I won a year's supply of chocolate mice in a competition and now every time I use my computer I get sticky hands.

</lie>[Projoy] Are you sure that's the chocolate?<lie>
There was in fact only ever one Degree; the other two were simulated by the use of time delayed mirrors and prerecorded harmonies.

Projoy is a clean-living, celibate, upstanding member of society.

...as this picture clearly shows.

I did not have to look at that picture 12 times to make sure that it was Projoy and not Yer Mom.

Or nat, or Néa, or even Thos.

Camels can live as long as 110 years.

It is easier for a rich man to pass through the eye of a needle than for a camel to enter the kingdom of Heaven.

In motorsport circles, it's de rigeur to have a Le Mans-style sprint start at 5pm to get out of the office and into cars for the drive home.

Animals are quarantined when they come over from the continent. This is to prevent the spread of babies.

Babies can actually learn to walk within 3 hours of birth, they're just too damn lazy.

For Christmas I was given a handy bag full of babies, which I use for hanging up clothes, weighting down paper and propping doors open.

Babies are easy to tell apart because they come in three varieties - Walnut, Haddock and Medicine Ball.

Oh bugger, that is true.

Oh bugger, so is that.

Oh bugger, so is that.

I think I'll continue posting in this manner, as I am sure I will receive hearty congratulations from all fellow contributors.

Celebrity update: Cro-magnon Man and Worcester Woman are to split. They don't say where to though.

As I was about to eat my chips just now, they started wriggling out of my grasp and starting an anti-chip-eating protest movement, using bits of torn up greaseproof-paper as banners and asking Sting to sign petitions.