mc5 - ... so help me God.

In motorsport circles, it's de rigeur to have a Le Mans-style sprint start at 5pm to get out of the office and into cars for the drive home.

Animals are quarantined when they come over from the continent. This is to prevent the spread of babies.

Babies can actually learn to walk within 3 hours of birth, they're just too damn lazy.

For Christmas I was given a handy bag full of babies, which I use for hanging up clothes, weighting down paper and propping doors open.

Babies are easy to tell apart because they come in three varieties - Walnut, Haddock and Medicine Ball.