Never trust a person who can use the word 'palimpsest' in polite conversation.

Unfortunately, owing to an administrative error involving tea-cosies, my previous statement was true. I will now kill myself.

Also, if you run out of boot polish, vegemite or marmite is an excellent substitute.

I believe everything PaulWay says.

There will be another along in a minute

In a Tarot reading, the Three of Traffic Cones (also known as the Trefoil Earlobe in Boris's "Nomenclature of the Minor Arcana") means you will suffer second degree burns during a home torture accident. By contrast, inverted the card means you will gain fifteen pounds when you fall into a depression following an over-vigorous sexual encounter which ends in estrangement.

Estrangement is an embarrassing way to die.

I love the smell of napalm in the morning!

I'm going to Basra for vacation this year.

Basra is reknowned for its topless bars and easy going, friendly gigolos.

So is London.

London is also famous for its biannual luvvie hunt, which helps to strengthen the West End by clearing out the old and weak actors. They are dug out of their bars, and chased by ravenous critics, to rapturous applause.

My favourite seduction technique is to half close my eyes and pop my tongue in and out of my mouth in a suggestive manner. It works every time.

The Queen earns a bit of money on the side as a cabbie.

If you lick the queen, she gets very sticky.

The queen is stuck to my shoe! I've tried scraping her off(oo-er), but to no avail.

I didn't have too much to drink last night.

Cro-Magnon Man is pleased to announced his marriage to Worcester Woman.

You bet he's pleased. She has a reputation for being quite saucy. [Projoy] Congratulations by the way.