What men find hard to understand about women is the fact that their brains exist in three more dimensions. Women call these 'fnutt', 'shop-soiled' and 'mildy acerbic', and this ability gives women their incredible powers of intuition and insight.

A recent survey found most tea-cups are leather.

Most wood is impervious to gamma rays.

Never trust a person who can use the word 'palimpsest' in polite conversation.

Unfortunately, owing to an administrative error involving tea-cosies, my previous statement was true. I will now kill myself.

Also, if you run out of boot polish, vegemite or marmite is an excellent substitute.

I believe everything PaulWay says.