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... so help me God.
help
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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Golda Meir was a Quaker.
Ibid & Projoy are actually Simon & Garfunkel. ("Lie-lie-lie...lie-lie-lie-lie, Lie-lie-lie....")
You can get rid off annoying horseflies simply by undoing them.
Horseflies have their own Grand National. Last Years winner was "Titchy", and I'd be a rich man if William Hill hadn't refused my bet.
Peace lilies are in fact very noisy when no-one's at home to hear them.
Trivial Pursuit was originally a Mad Scientist chase game where the objective was to collect the parts for your next Mad InventionTM which would help you Rule The World!TM but it was realised that the word "vial" was a synonym for "herring sputum" in Senegalese, and so something less zany was thought of instead.
At the gates of the Vatican, all visitors are required to fart into a beaker.
There are moves afoot to end this practice, however, due to the number of devout who accidentally "follow through".
Timberlake Wertembaker wrote Three Birds Farting in a Beaker
I'm posting this move from Paraguay.
I'm posting this move from Bhutan.
I'm posting this move from Gabon.
I'm posting this move from Moldova.
I'm posting this move from St Kitts Nevis.
I'm posting this move from Kiribati.
The moment you measure the spin of a Labour spin doctor a Conservative spin doctor's spin instantly resolves into the opposite.
Liberal Democrats have no spin, leg or off. Luckily Charles Kennedy is a fast bowler.
I have posted in this game every day since I was born.
I wasn't born, I congealed.
I have never attempted to collect my farts in any type of glass container.
I have never farted.
My other car is a porch.
There were originally four coins in the fountain, but the fourth one left over artistic differences.
Meatloaf was later shown to have done that aswell, although in his defense it wasn't for love.
I bet you lot all feel embarrassed that you accidentally posted unbolded all this time eh?
My use of italics here is purely accidental and coincidental.
My use of italics here is because I am Italian
Everyone I know is excited about the forthcoming council elections.
Short-sightedness can be temporarily cured by being breathed on by a chicken.
Pope Urban IV was personally responsible for the creation of ninety-six different varieties of cheese.
Octopi can play the bagpipes, but refuse to on the grounds that it makes them look silly.
My employers weekly timesheet includes for non-productive codes, these include sick leave, annual leave, smoking break, coffee break, newspaper reading, idle chatter and non work related internet browsing.
My real name is Tog and I live in Pogles Wood.
Stealing the Mona Lisa is so easy it's like taking candy from a baby.
Why, I've stolen the Mona Lisa ten times if I've stolen it once.
Taking candy from a baby is a capital offence in Florida.
I'm going to rock down to electric avenue, and then I'll take it higher.
Manchester United often pop round to my flat for a quick massage.
Cair Paravel in the Narnia Books was actually converted into a castle from yuppie flats.
L. Frank Baum had a rare microbial stomach infestation that made him tunnel into doors and subsist on wood chippings.
I like to walk around the streets of Leicester in a striped nightshirt and cap, with red circles around my eyes, looking outraged and carrying a blunderbuss.
The Scottish General Election has been won by the League of Martians. That makes me proud to be Welsh.
The word 'moist' is illegal in Kenya.
'Toilet Tissue' means 'fight like a squirrel' in Welsh.
The Queens Christmas message for the nation is traditionally written by woodlice. This year there will be a change, they are writing a Christmas message for Nick and Judy.
Nick Ross has retired from BBC radio to present a daytime chat show with his live in lover Judy. Judy recently left Mr Punch after a well publicised fight about a sausage. Judy has custody of the sausage.
There's plenty of time for everything.
[gil] That did not remind me of a Jethro Tull song. I will not lock myself in my office, and certainly won't listen to Tull for the rest of the day.
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