It was me that trashed rab's site. I did it because I'm furious that he's as lazy as I am, and can't be bothered to capitalise the first letter of his name.

If you stare at the orange juice in Sainsbury's for long enough, it will play the Marseilleise.

Parsnip is denser than lead.

'Cagoul' is the Inuit word for nasal mucus.

Loud music causes whelks to expand to fifteen times their original size.

Tests have shown that monkeys fed purely on cheese actually fight to the death over the slightest provocation.

Sloths are made from rubber, and will bounce to 95% of the height they were dropped from.

Green biro ink is the most toxic substance known to man.

Travellers in the Australian outback are regularly held up by wallabies demanding lager.

The Tower of London is held together by raven spit.

I, for one, am not glad that MC5 is back up. 3 working sites is plenty.

I am not pleased that the server didn't crash last night as it hasn't given me the opportunity to test my autorestore script.

Pah! You won't find me posting here again.

My Celebdaq shares in Queen Victoria are performing well.

You won't catch me using (eat more chocolate) subliminal messages.

Unwilling to be caught up in the hype of Celebdaq, I am playing CelebDaquarie, where I mix cocktails for my favourite performers, like Rolf Harris, and send them through the post via their agents.

Tango mixed with equal parts of milk and chutney makes an ideal cocktail to impress celebrity guests at dinner parties. It seems to have an aphrodisiac effect. During my last party, I discovered Barry Norman, Charles Dance, Michael Winner and Janet Street-Porter having wild sex in the bathroom.