Kettle is the ancient Mesopotamian Goddess of farting. Hence the phrase "Pot calling the kettle black" is an alternative version of "He who smelt it, dealt it". This is all very important should you ever do Anthropology.

I lied about doing a full house across the front page. There are games I do not understand. Instead, I streaked through Mornington Crescent.

Streaking is named after the Danish maiden Helena Strieker the first known exponent of the exhibitionist art form.

I keep pet water in a bowl in my lounge. Periodically, I take it out for a splash on the pavement. My last pet water dried up in the sun.

When my pet water dies, I will probably flush it down the lavatory.

George W Bush once accidentally flushed himself down the toilet. He was salvaged from the local sewage plant some hours later, though doubt remains even today as to whether they retrieved the right little shit.

Blob] I heartily disaprove of your lack of respect for Mr Bush at the present time.

I voted for George W Bush, and believe he is doing a fine job.

</lie> DrQ, that is simply untoppable. The most audaciously brass-necked statement I ever read. I must resign!

I'm happy Projoy has resigned.

And sod the troops. </lie>For anyone who has reached this page a-la Google; realize that all statements here are lies.<lie>

If your pet water dies, send me a cheque and I will send you a new one in dehydrated form.

Female pole-vaulters are all members of a secret shamanistic sect and practice the art of attracting rabbits by "bunny whistling".

There is no such thing as stair carpet.

'Smoking Crack' is the result of insufficient lubrication.

I still believe George W Bush is doing a fine job. We're a lot better off under him than we were under Bill Clinton (although I do have to say that Clinton has good taste in women.)

Fat German is an excellent lubricant.

A snorgle is a type of Kagool.

Bob the dog is a spoonerism of an Irish phrase, "dob the bog", which is skinny dipping in swampland.