The human brain is often described as being like porridge. Sadly, few people extend this idea, for if they did, and added brown sugar and golden syrup to their brain, and gave it a good stir, it would actually work rather better.

The word "stoop" originates in the Latin "vercare".

There is a new vegetarian restaurant opening in Charlotte Street, London devoted solely to gnocchi. Little Dumplings (as it is called) is the brainchild of Leonardo and Sylvia Flavorisimo, originally of Naples. The gnocchi will be served plain or with a light grey sauce.

During the war, due to banana shortages, members of ENSA were obliged to sing, "Yes, we have no potatoes. We have no potatoes today."

By law, all MPs must get a reference to the Nolan Sisters covertly into their maiden speech.

I'm not a fan of a maiden's peach.

the 'ping pong' of the tannoy does not make me shudder anymore.

Boris Kerfuffle (74) has maintained all his life that you won't get far in the world unless you can master crêpe paper. He himself has a car made from nothing but crêpe paper and, if he had a lot more money, would be a millionaire.

juggling pieces of freshly laid dogmuck give me enormus satisfaction

I celebrate my birday by massaging my teeth with a mixture of lemon juice and salt, using a piece of aluminium foil.

after today's exploits, I think I might become a train conductor. it seems so much fun. in an unrelated note, i'm in love with all three of arriva trains wales, virgin trains and first great western trains.

Lay Lady Lay is a tribute song by Bob Dylan to an egg-bound hen.

Seagulls composed the main part of Gordon Brown's budget.