lastnight i shrank by approximately 16% - I have no logical account for this.

its usually only 14%

i have recenly discovered that my girlfriend is a thespian

by an unusual coincidence, my thespian is in fact my girlfriend.

In Shakespearean times it was in fact perfectly OK for women to appear on stage, contrary to popular opinion. But you know what actors are like, any excuse for some transvestitism. The Bard himself was known as "Big Wilhelmina" at the weekends.