There are 36 species of cat including the tiger, the Iberian lynx and the caterpillar.

Because of an administrative error, the Kingdom of God is unable to admit anyone this week so anyone who dies must go to Hell, where they will be entitled to file an application to be considered for admission through the pearly gates.

Applicants are encouraged to do this before next year, when a strict quota system for immigrants and asylum seekers will be inaugurated, drastically cutting down on the number of entrants into Heaven.

Those who find themselves wrongly sent to Hell can expect an apology from the Prime Minister. In about 20 years time.

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into 10 Downing Street.

crapping is a sin

I've spent the last week on a boat. No swans attacked me.

I invented hens.

But I have the patent!

My real name is Jeremiah Disgruntled.

Ritual stoning of persons named Hywel was only banned in Flintshire in 1976. A loophole remains, however, so all you Gwilym's best steer clear of Mold.

Kentucky Fried Chicken are considering a move into more upmarket territory. Their new chains of restaurants serving deep fried meats from the Asian subcontinent will reportedly bear the slogan "It's finger Ling-Ling good".

Another proposal from KFC is a combination of psychoanalysis and fried chicken. With a free Rorshach (sp?) test with each Family Bucket, Kentucky Freud Chicken's slogan is to be "It's motherfucking good".

[/lie] guess what *I* had for dinner??? [lie]

[nights] [/lie] Magic mushrooms? Oh and thanks for the dinner + seduction invitation by the way. I'll get there about 8pm, ok?[lie]

Automatic word-wrapping was invented by Macy's department store in the depression when people could not afford to buy tangible items as gifts but could afford 2¢ to have a special word done up in ribbons and paper for a loved one.

This custom gave rise to the expression "Waal thass mah two censs wath", commonly abbreviated to the semi-mandatory "Just my $0.02" after fatuous and irrelevant comments in modern e-communications.

I definetly didn't type this- honest

neither did I type this.

[pen] [/lie] you never turned up! crushed! [lie]