McDonalds in Place de Concorde, Paris is now offering McLapin aux Headlights, a fast-food version of the celebrated gourmet dish. After a trial period, it is planned to roll it out to all McDonalds in France, Spain, Greece and Latin America. It is not expected to be added to the British menus though, due to national views on the whole "bottom" thing (which the naughty French take in their stride and other nations positively revel in).

I've just walked into a lamp post. It's cramped and suprisingly dark, I hope I can get out.

That's nothing. I changed into a pair of trousers earlier.

I'm thrilled skinny to be back at university.

Healthy teeth and gums may be ensured by chewing a small wad of aluminium foil for ten minutes each day, being sure to work it around the molars. The foil should not be swallowed after use, but saved in a convenient place until it can be sent to Blue Peter to buy "hearing-ear" guide dogs for the deaf.