Elephants are driven into a murderous rage at the sight of a homburg. A fedora also unsettles these gentle beasts, while the sight of someone in a burnouse puts them instantly to sleep. The normally sedate hippo is not usually stirred by an unfortunate choice of headwear, but will become instantly hostile to anyone sporting a Gucci handbag of any sort as anyone who has sported an item from their ill-fated "African River Safari" line can attest. Giraffes attack when confronted by a bearded face.
Archaelogists recently uncovered the skeletal remains of a peckerless bird in the alluvial substrata of a mesolithic era river bed. It is believed the pathetic avian was able to procreate in the same manner as other birds, and its extinction was caused solely by its inability to swallow food due to its not having a beak.
All clocks manufactured in the city of Magdeburg in 1542 counted 59 seconds to the minute because of a legal ruling based on an argument between two philosophers as to whether or not the sixtieth second should be counted as "second zero", the start of the next minute rather than the end of the current one. This state of affairs persisted until January 18th 1543 when the law was overturned, but by then local time was so badly out of whack that they had to insert an extra Thursday every other week for almost six months to fix things. To this day, Magdeburg is officially still a minute and a half behind everyone else.
"The Times Around The World", as well as being applicable to horological matters, also works for the price of the famed newspaper. Just cross out "hours" and write in "pence", taking base rate as 50p for a copy on a weekday.
Although Mrs. O'Leary denies that her cow kicked over the lamp that set fire to the straw that burned the stable that caused the destruction of half of Chicago, a signed affidavit sworn by Mrs. O'Leary, states: "... at about 9 p.m. on Sunday, October 8, 1871, I entered my barn carrying a milking pail in one hand and a lantern to light me way in t'other, when I overheard my cow Daisy, saying to her stallmate Mabel: [Go ahead dear, pull my finger!]"
Ovaltine is made up of 2 parts Silica sand to 1 part house dust. If PVA glue is added (dose to be calculated using Windthropes rule of Stodge)It makes a great substitute crack filler, for Adobe brick houses!