The mantle in your gas light is made from the very best Harris Tweed.

Paraffin is made from the flight feathers of parrots and the dorsal fins of sharks.

It is widely known, amongst paraffin connoisseurs, that the Blue MacCaw and the Great White combine to make the best quality paraffin. The most common, and cheapest, paraffin is the budgie / tiger shark blend.

The archer's targets are 70 meters away. That is about as far as they run in the 100 meters. </lie>(Or something like that, heard during Olympic commentary).<lie>

But Lord Archer made 81 meters. </lie>If TBT said it, it must be true!<lie>

I'm in denial

No you're not.

Theatre reviewers all have to abide by a special EU code to maintain the supply of certain adjectives. There are quotas for particular descriptors, and the reviewer gets subsidised for using them. The quality of the show reviewed is immaterial.

Benjamin Disraeli amused himself by bringing a new handbag every time he made an appearance in the Commons. To raucous approval by members, he would hold the handbag aloft before speaking. It was the foundation of a tradition and all Prime Ministers since have brought a purse or clutch bag to the Commons, usually discreetly concealed in the lining of their trousers.

I stopped running Marathons when they changed the name to Snickers........"What you been doin mate?" "Oh I've just ran the London snickers!"..........

Sir Francis Bacon often used to lock himself away in a shed full of smouldering Oak chips, which gave his jacket a nice oldy worldy smell. He was often referred to as Old Smokey!!!

He also ran around in the nude a good bit.

Paula Radcliffe has been given the Key to the Town of Finisham.

If you chipped away the stone facade of the Arc De Triomphe, you would find it is constructed entirely of encyclopaedias.

I had a nice dry camping holiday in Cornwall this year.

Oh no, he's back. I'm off!

You can get red Mexican hot sauce out of clothing by gently rubbing the stain with green Mexican hot sauce.

Banks are the most understanding and helpful of institutions and not at all mercenary.

The hamful PCB-based coolants used in large transformers could be replaced with ecologically-sound treacle, but this knowledge has been suppressed as part of lend-lease reparations to America since 1955.