Keith Floyds sister Pink is opening a new cafe in Manchester, selling authentic Victorian take-away meals...........

A clock accurate to less than half a second each second can easily be manufactured using a piece of string not less than nineteen inches long, fourteen blueberries, and the juice of a Seville orange.

The borogroves are unusually mimsy this afternoon.

On my spare Tuesdays, I like to ride a cock-horse through the markets of Didcot. I have made twenty appearances in the local press in this way.

Clams have a little-suspected sense of humour. They frequently like to congregate on the sea bed and watch old episodes of The Golden Girls

Oysters, on the other hand, prefer the 24 hour news channel.

French steeplejacks will often utter the word 'Botkin' for no apparent reason whatsoever.