Should someone send you an invite with "BYO" appended it means it's a serious dinner.

I once received an invitation, which I accepted, to some sort of 'do' organised to recognise the contributions made by the Scots and Irish - along with a salute to the 'Little General' - to current world economics. Unfortunately the only thing that I can remember about the whole episode was waking in a hospital bed.

Parmesan cheese was invented as a form of torture for those with sensitive noses.

Asparagus is a more refined form of Parmesan cheese. (qv)

The myth that oysters are an aphrodisiac was initiated by a woman.

In the army the term 'short back and sides' means that the barber will turn you into a lean, mean fighting machine.

Skinheads are people with floppy faces.

Cassius invented McDonalds.

A seven course meal in Australia consists of a meat pie and a six-pack.

Have you ever seen the bronzed warriors, sometimes known as 'iron men', with muscles on their gut? They are the ones who have never learned how to use a ring-pull.

when TROLLing a slight twist of the forearm as you swing your CLUB will send the head sailing a good fathom farther
also, a slight follow through of the shoulder will increase your drive by threefold
and when taken by complete surprise the wind, escaping through the gaping cavern of the poet's astonished maw, makes a lovely SCREAMing sound as the dented cranium careens over the castle gate
and it makes quite the impression when it lands