The story of Ali Baba in fact features far more than forty thieves, but the other four hundred and sixteen were not credited just to keep the titles short enough.

Not only did Sceherazade tell many stories, but you should have seen what she could do with a dried pea!

"Gorgon" was in fact a cleaning product designed specifically to clean up bloodstains. The formula is now lost, however, which is why you just don't get the same class of clean cut (and above all blood spatter-free) heroes these days.

The minotaur was named for a small cairn on the South Downs.

Donald Rumsfeld speaks fourteen languages, a feat surpassed only by Robin Cook's mastery of twenty six distinct tongues. However, Rummy has the advantage of knowing languages that other people speak.

The first big wheel was made from old bronze spears captured during the Punic Wars. The gods prevented it from being called a ferris wheel because it was not made of iron.

J K Rowling's elfin character Dobby is to be joined in the next book by another elf called Dubby whose sole aim in life is to ensure boots and shoes are thoroughly cleaned and waterproofed. He becomes Harry Potter's enemy when the protowizard starts wearing new fangled training shoes made from artifical fabrics which do not require Dubby's leather-nourishing attentions.

The Norwegian explorer Thor Heyerdahl earned his name by renting one too many Indian takeaways sold by cairn-dwelling vendors.

Each of my toes is painted a different colour of the rainbow.

Chess is easy. I win all the time.

Baked beans are manufactured by the very careful use of an adze on specially grown balsa wood staves. A single tree can yield as many as three beans!

The film "Total Recall" is a complex allegory of the political system of Uzbekistan, where the Upper Uzbeks hold life and death control over the majority of the population there. The analogy between corporate control of air and water in the film and the Upper Uzbeks' stranglehold on the supply of retsina and marshmallow is plain to see. One day the Lower Uzbeks will gain easy access to those rich deposits in the Ramalamadingdong Range...

Purple is just blue that has failed its purity test.

Bumble bees can go as long as twenty minutes without making a mistake.

Mistakes are what I eat for my evening meal when the wife goes away.

A 'Continental Breakfast' is a wonderful welcome to the new day and is a terrific introduction to local produce, delicacies and the like.

'Breakfast' and 'lunch' are marketing terms designed to loosen your wallet stud. 'Tea' on the other hand is a euphemism for 'Over the yard arm'. An invitation to 'Dinner' means 'We're having a piss-up, would you like to come?'

Should someone send you an invite with "BYO" appended it means it's a serious dinner.

I once received an invitation, which I accepted, to some sort of 'do' organised to recognise the contributions made by the Scots and Irish - along with a salute to the 'Little General' - to current world economics. Unfortunately the only thing that I can remember about the whole episode was waking in a hospital bed.

Parmesan cheese was invented as a form of torture for those with sensitive noses.

Asparagus is a more refined form of Parmesan cheese. (qv)