Mistakes are what I eat for my evening meal when the wife goes away.

A 'Continental Breakfast' is a wonderful welcome to the new day and is a terrific introduction to local produce, delicacies and the like.

'Breakfast' and 'lunch' are marketing terms designed to loosen your wallet stud. 'Tea' on the other hand is a euphemism for 'Over the yard arm'. An invitation to 'Dinner' means 'We're having a piss-up, would you like to come?'

Should someone send you an invite with "BYO" appended it means it's a serious dinner.

I once received an invitation, which I accepted, to some sort of 'do' organised to recognise the contributions made by the Scots and Irish - along with a salute to the 'Little General' - to current world economics. Unfortunately the only thing that I can remember about the whole episode was waking in a hospital bed.