Vertigo is the French word for Traffic Lights.

I like vertigo. I like vertigo. I like vertigo, but only when I'm green.

Dr Q] Here comes another one.

In Britain an "X" is used on ballot papers, as this represents your kiss of good luck to your chosen candidate. The single transferable kiss is however merely whoreish.

It's a well known fact that the pen is mightier than the sword, which is why Lord Byron chose pistols when challenged to a head-on confrontation in an essay writing competition by a classmate in 3C.

Eggs stay fresh longer if turned upside down in their styrofoam boxes, but have been known cause hallucinations and "loss of balance" when eaten if stored in such a manner.

Eating diamonds will coat your teeth in diamond dust, thus allowing you to bite through solid steel with ease and wit much more effort and luck perhapse a piece of fruitcake

'Big Brother' is unquestionably the TV highlight of the Summer.

Winning the Lottery won't change me. That's why I never buy a ticket.

Linda Lee Potter is to Social Commentary in the 21st Century what Jonathan Swift and Benjamin Franklin were in the 18th.

Swiss cheese is made from old banknotes............

Motivation can be manufactured from tightly compressed cheese, but only if the plastic wrapping has been removed first.

Masking tape is specifically designed for use in carnival masks.