Walls have ears. I recomend you steer well clear of their ice creams.

You know I'd never tell a lie. I took a polygraph test once. You're asked to draw a piechart, by the waitress off of Fawlty Towers.

They took Gullible out of the dictionary... and these inch-high people tied him to the ground as a precaution.

Bludgeoning baby seals to death is to become an Olympic sport in 2012. England are the pre-tounament favourites.

For years there was controversy over who really sang on Milli Vanilli's chart hits. The answer, believe it or not, was Stephen Hawking. In a strange twist of fate, it was the surviving member of the band who provided the voice for that box-thingy the scientist uses. Rumour has it the two will reuinte this Summer to appear in commercials for Tunes Throat Lozenges. "A first class ticket to Nottingham please - and you can sod off if you think you're putting me in the Guard's van, you prancing, dreadlocked twat!" That sort of thing. Remember, you heard it here first.