Commas are simply the disguise of those rubber bands which hang from the office ceiling.

I've only been away 14 days and so much has changed,its scary stuff!!!

Thomas the tank engine is an alias, his real name is Steve and he was a very useless Crampton type tender engine!!

Alas, ZK beat me to the scoop about rubber bands, but only I know the truth about Tony Blair and the armadillo.

To avoid suffocation - keep away from babies.

Carrier Bags have just been named the world's Most Obliging Species, just ahead of Carrier Pigeons, Labrador Retrievers, Dolphins and Katie Price.

I came in to work today only to discover that my computer has become possessed by the spirit of Liberace. Darling.

ZK is using his/her internet priviliges wisely.

I have just retrospectively cancelled a lunch date I attended a fortnight ago.

Darth Vader is based on George Lucas's uncle, and was originally called Clovis.

[nights] < / l i e > Her :) < l i e >

Phone Bill Castration. I would, but I've been cut off.

James Woods (actor) has a brother called Arulostintha, which is an ancient tribal name used by the Black Mountain Indians. He also has a brother called Dave!

Dave Woods is an irritable postman who inspired the character of Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs.

Manx cats are a form of miniture, tailess, Celtic-Puma's

A few things the Romans didn't do for us! 1. They didn't invent TV... 2. They didn't design the Ford Fiesta (it was the Anglia.......yuk)... 3. They didn't put a man on the moon and neither did the yanks...4. They had no idea how to break-dance... So much for being a great nation!!!!!

Fact.......If you leave baked beans, untouched, on a plate for several weeks they will, as if by magic, turn into peanuts!!

Fact....Research performed at the Loughborough Sleep Research Center have shown if you interrupt a dream at precisely the correct moment, the dream will become reality. [As a matter of record, two nights ago I pinched myself while dreaming and awakened to find I was in fact pinching myself.]

Fact - I once worked at Loughborough Sleep Research Centre, but I got the sack for staying awake on the job.