Dang and blast!

Donald Rumsfeld has an unnatural fear of Spoonerisms.

Should my wife ask, I was never here.

I am Falstaff's wife and I CAN SEE YOU!

The Rugby weekend was crap, and you'll never catch me doing that again!

I'm not sunburnt.

I am not happy to be on vacation this week. I miss rising at 4:30 a.m. and rushing about to leave for my work, which is fifty miles away.

My daughter did not bring her daughter to my house the other day and then take my wife along with the little darling to feed the ducks at the local lagoon. Nor did she lose her keys to the car and ask me to drive down to the said wetland to help find them. Shoes are cheap, particularly if they are drenched, covered in duck droppings, mud and various seeds of thorn. There are times when I love my family to death.

Wax strips work! Save lots of money and pain, and buy some today!

[Dujon] I saw a duck driving a car, it had a damaged wing.

[plump] Are you sure it wasn't just tyred?

Photo frames can now be purchased with a chameleonic finish to them which makes a picture look like it has been bevelled into the wall.

Bollards are ducks that are neither female nor male.

Bollocks are ducks with funky hair.

I do not have a radio now. I am not at all happy about this.

"No Fixed Abode, Cricklewood" is not on the Radio during my Greek exam. I'm deliriously happy about this.

</lie> [ZK] Listen Again is your friend. It's certainly mine - I can't listen to R4 live at all. <lie>

Contrary to popular belief, dumb bells can be quite loquacious if talked to about the right subject.

*kisses Dunx*

Villards are evil ducks.

A stationary lobster is known as a thermostat.

I am certainly not crapping myself over my Russian exams.

By the time I came to my Russian exams, I cared very deeply about the outcome and got very stressed indeed.

"Russian exam" is a euphemism.

"swedish massage" is not a euphemism.

Magnets only work when they are being watched.

CERN has announced the discovery of a new subatomic particle which has been observed to interact minimally with other particles itself but which has been seen with great frequency to pass by two particles which then annihilate each other in a highly energetic manner. It has been dubbed the tarantino.

The most wonderful eel in the world is called Hernia, which explains why she is so shy.

this music is certainly not giving me headache.

"I'll have no frolicking in my pantry Guv'nor!!" was the catch-phrase used by Princess Michael of Kent in her first unrecorded sitcom provisionally entitled "Sperm Kittens go AWOL in Tewkesbury".

I was the fourth Goodie; you can see me hiding behind a giant black pudding during the episode "King Carrot".

"No more rubber please Vicar!!" was the catchphrase used by Alan Rickman in his cabaret act entitled "Murun Bertstanzinger goes pole vaulting".

The Teletubbies are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

<lie>Thanksgiving will be particularly entertaining this year now that most people in the US have come to realise that George W Bush is a turkey.</lie>