I come here for the Cobblers.

It has been discovered that my floor joists are made of batter that has been superheated and compressed.

If you show a wasp a current copy of TV Quick, it will not sting you.

To guarantee good feng shui in your bedroom, place a hundredweight of soil on top of your wardrobe.

The dome of St. Paul's cathedral was cast in one piece from a mould made from Dolly Parton's right tit.

Apricots were introduced into this country from South America in 1986 by my Uncle Dessie.

Jelly fish are neither fish nor made of jelly, they are infact a strange kind of rabbit introduced by the Asgarth on a trip back from Zlygex9 in the vood quadrant of our galaxy!

A handful of roast peanuts contains more calcium than the combined white cliffs of Dover.

A thousand million beefeaters have just amassed outside my window and are all looking in at me.

Jumpers are the new underpants.

Scooters suffer terribly from loneliness and should be kept in their own scooter run with at least three companions whenever not in use. Kissing the handlebars of your scooter probably won't help, but is a naughty way to have fun.