mc5 - ... so help me God.

Orlando Bloom has just delighted the world by announcing his intentions to become a Tibetian monk.

Monica Lewinsky is the host of a brand new show on LivingTV called Cockles and Muscles about the love lives of fishermen.

Will Young tried to enter himself on the show, but they caught him.

If you feed cotton buds to sheep, every time you shear them you'll get nylon.

Cashew nuts are harvested from sneezing squirrels.

Edward Monkton cards are self-explanatory.

I have a glass ear, pardon?

I used to get out of games at school by telling everyone I had a glass face, until somebody saw through it.

I've already mentioned that I have sacked my head waiter, middle manager and footman. But I have decided to keep my head-girl.

Mexican trains are pulled by esteem engines. This explains the universal respect they enjoy.

Rational thinking is impossible when the subject is pears, because of the high unreason fields that surround them.