mc5 - ... so help me God.

Iguanas are often mistaken for small children and adopted by childless couples in Guam.

So was I, once.

I invented the letter X. I had some help from Al Gore, but he could only come up with the letter Z. Meanwhile, the Republicans invented W.

The parcel shelf in John Prescott's 2nd Jag is made from strips of human skin flayed from Peter Mandelson's back using a steel whip.

I invented the letter ð, but only the Icelanders were brave enough to use it.

Dutch was invented by an Austrian chef with a severe head-cold.

I recently bent a barman's ear but a panel beater has sorted all that out.

Bent barman's ears are an aphrodisiac, recently popularised by Sex In The City.

I did not go to bed at seven PM yester eve because a good book and a lie down was more attractive than the pap being served up on 'the box'.

Yesterday, I went to bed at a reasonable hour.

Beds are sinful.