< / l i e > George Bush was recently beaten in an intelligence test by a monkey.
< l i e>Hargreaves has recently had to fight to get a controversial contemporary new book published called Little Mr Miss - the publishers felt it was a little too much information for children, and bought Madonna's book instead.

Each morning I am rudely awakened by the frantic Boom tish, Boom tish of our local one man band being chased up the street by the neighbours dog

I used to be a one man band but I split up after my legs decided on a solo career.

Why are my bed springs so rusty?

I used to work in an optitians but I got thrown out for making a spectacle of myself.

[bl] I didn't completely lose it on reading your last.

[Wol] Very dull image isn't it?
Once I dreamt I was a butterfly, then I awoke and now I don't know if I'm a man who dreamt he was a butterfly, or if there's a natural reason for me to be fluttering about in midair like this.

I used to dream that I was flying in an old open biplane, but I fell out of that one.

Rudolph the reindeer had a very shiny gnome.

If you ever saw it, you'd swear it was inebriated.

We now know that Rudolph's red nose was a result of a condition brought on by alcohol abuse. Rudolph was so lonely, being cut out of all those reindeer games, that he hit the bottle, and hard. Happily, his chance to lead the sleigh in the snow gave him a new lease on life. He later joined a twelve-step program and is in his fiftieth year of sobriety. His nose is now bloated, but a pinkish grey.

In an attempt to make Dickens more accessible to the modern youth, all editions of A Christmas Carol are being reprinted with Scrooge's famous words altered to "**** that for a game of soldiers".

I love Paris in the the springtime.