mc5 - ... so help me God.

I have absolutely no difficulty in sticking to the five-a-day programme. I can drink up to a pint of juice by myself in just a few hours.

I've had no problem since they redesignated Guinness as a fruit.

A whole bottle of syrup of figs counts as one of your five-a-day

Although most people think of tomatoes as a vegetable, they are actually a sort of weasel.

I eat five grapes a day, then go out for pizza.

I eat five pizzas a day and then go out for grapes.

I take five days to eat a pizza and grapes are out of the question.