mc5 - ... so help me God.

Bob the dog

I'm not too happy about the government’s 'Five-a-day' campaign. I can only just manage twice, and then I need a cup of malted milk and two hours rest in between.

Zooological Keeper

I have absolutely no difficulty in sticking to the five-a-day programme. I can drink up to a pint of juice by myself in just a few hours.

Ibid

I've had no problem since they redesignated Guinness as a fruit.

Angus Prune

A whole bottle of syrup of figs counts as one of your five-a-day

Riff

Although most people think of tomatoes as a vegetable, they are actually a sort of weasel.

Tina

I eat five grapes a day, then go out for pizza.

Kim

I eat five pizzas a day and then go out for grapes.

Zooological Keeper

I take five days to eat a pizza and grapes are out of the question.

Dujon

It might be my age (well matured by the cask) but in my case gropes are totally out of the question.

plump

Santas workshop has been closed down under elfin safety legislation.

Poisoned Pigeon

Apparently Santa has a little sideline in quality venison.