I was quite successful as a font designer, although it was rather against type.

Then I had a job installing blackboards, but gave it up because I was always wiped.

I had a job installing venetian blinds, but then the soft furnishing company next door took over and it was curtains for me.

I can think of many more ideas, all of them better than any of the preceding

I worked down at the Heinz Plant, but was eventually canned for always being pickled.

I was hired by Jonathan Ross to write for him some David Letterman-style Top 10 lists....but was fired for w[here's your coat. -- ed]

I used to work in my local Harvester, but they threw me out when I got into a stew. Then I was really in the soup.

I then worked in a hippy nudist beach community for a while as a lobster-fisherman. They threw me out - I caught crabs.

Then I was Donny Osmond's tour manager for a while a few years back, but I got arrested for making puppy love. ([AP] His educational career began, interestingly enough, in agricultural school, where he majored in animal husbandry, until they caught him at it one day)

I worked in an athletic shoe factory when one day I was terminated for a slip of the tongue.

Indeed, Tina; I used to be a script writer, but the boss gave me the hard word.

At one stage I was an 'illumination' technician, but I wasn't bright enough.

In my youth, I joined a hip acting company, but I couldn't make the scene.

Gimmie, gimme, gimme a man after midnight.

At midnight every night I turn into a goat for 5 seconds. This explains the cheese in my shoes in the morning.

</lie> [ZK] Ah - another Tom Lehrer fan? <lie>
I worked in a music shop until I was drummed out.

[DrQ] I once shot a man by mistake, believing him to be a large, flesh-coloured squirrel.

< /l i e>Was someone going to make a separate game for the Job Pun thing? I thought I read that somewhere.

[ZK] Yes, I was. I did it last week.

There is nothing I enjoy more, and indeed all the world seems in tune, when I'm poisoning pigeons in the park.

When it's Fiesta time in old Guadalahhckhhckhhckhhckhhara...then I long to be back in old Mehhckhhckico.

I hold your hand in mine, dear, I press it to my lips.