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... so help me God.
help
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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I used to be in charge of the hairdryers at the local salon, but I sucked.
I was Jonny Wilkinson's stunt double, but when I got injured my dreams were kicked into touch.
I so have not run out of puns for this game.
I worked for a while in a chemist's shop, but they dispensed with my services.
I spent a little time as a jobbing artist, until I drew my last pay packet.
I bought a veterinarian practice, but closed it down when I found I'd been sold a pup.
Moving on I became an orchardist, but that turned out to be a lemon.
Later, I tried cleaning toilets, but I didn't have the proper skills - the other staff pissed all over me.
I did try a similar position in another council, but I left there too, I was crap.
At one time I tried being an optician, but they said I was not focussed enough.
When I was younger I worked for a shortwhile in the Catering Corps, but they let me go when I got into a mess.
Once I had a temporary job with a concern which made barometers, but the pressure got to me.
For a while after that I worked for a company making Scotch, but I just didn't blend in.
I had a job designing tumblers for a while - they said my ideas were all great in theory, but wouldn't hold water.
I snagged a job with a 'bus company once - I even took their various I.Q. test over a few months - but when I gave them my report they said I queued too much. OK, I'm half tickled ...
Like Dr Q+ I worked for a company which produces a generic ViagraTM product, but it was just too hard.
I once was a fill-in worker at a company that manufactured pails but left when the owner kicked the bucket.
I joined the professional chess tour...to meet women, of course. I quit after failing to find a mate.
Afterwards, I joined the professional poker tour. Let's just say I folded after pulling the Queen of Clubs.
Later on, I was consultant to the dairy industry. However, most of my clientele dropped off after one of the Big Cheeses said I was milking them for everything they were worth....
I used to work in a mirror manufacturors, but they said my appearance reflected badly on the company.
I tried setting up a low budget airline but it never got off the ground.
So I tried to persuade the London authorities to let me run a privatised Underground system, but that went down the tubes.
As for my poultry farm - well, let's just say it was a cock-up.
With all the talk on nanotechnology these days, I thought there would be a niche for sub-micron fluid holders, but it pailed into insignificance.
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