mc5 - ... so help me God.

I was Jonny Wilkinson's stunt double, but when I got injured my dreams were kicked into touch.

I so have not run out of puns for this game.

I worked for a while in a chemist's shop, but they dispensed with my services.

I spent a little time as a jobbing artist, until I drew my last pay packet.

I bought a veterinarian practice, but closed it down when I found I'd been sold a pup.

Moving on I became an orchardist, but that turned out to be a lemon.

Later, I tried cleaning toilets, but I didn't have the proper skills - the other staff pissed all over me.

I did try a similar position in another council, but I left there too, I was crap.

At one time I tried being an optician, but they said I was not focussed enough.

When I was younger I worked for a shortwhile in the Catering Corps, but they let me go when I got into a mess.

Once I had a temporary job with a concern which made barometers, but the pressure got to me.