It have been looking in here every day recently. My brother and his friends didn't circulate some emails last year with some excessively clean and unfunny job description puns and I'm not at all tempted to post them in here. They simply aren't rude enough.

I actually became a tree surgeon due to a flash of inspiration - I was leafing through the job adverts when suddenly I twigged.

I used to be a p0rn star, but I couldn't keep it up. I tried to go into menswear sales but was told I was unsuited.

To reach my tree surgery helpline, dial a trunk call.

I can't. I'm a failed plumber, and all my calls are tapped.

I used to be a professional masturbator, but I just couldn't hold my own.

I had to give up my rôle of Agony Aunt. I had a low threshold of pain.

It's no good trying to contact me when I'm at work. Since I started this job as a professional hangman, all my callers have hung up on me.

[ZK] Doesn't matter, I'm not very good, you'd have to be barking to call me.

I'd have to be a bit of a sap, then? Do you reckon you need counselling? Don't give up too soon and leave - your problems are probably deeply rooted. I know an excellent Tree Surgeon therapist, Den Dron.

I quit my job in the synthetic rubber plant, when my first pay cheque bounced.