I used to survey cul-de-sacs until I realised it was a dead end job.

I used to work in a pyschological testing laboratory, but I wanted to get out of the rat race.

I used to have a lounge act singing Frank Sinatra songs, but when the Summer Wind came along I looked for something else to doobie-doobie-do.

I tried to move from choir conducting to bus conducting but it didn't quite work out and in the end I had to go back to my old job and face the music.

I used to be a male escort, but I was laid off.
Afterwards, I tried to be a plumber, but that went down the crapper as well.

I used to be a telephonist, but I got transferred.

I used to be a virus checker but &^£%__$£G B*%&GK UY&%&PGG JH*& (&^^& %&) ?:@~{KJJGF DFSQD!£ ¬"?>LJZ ||~LIU ITU.

I used to be the speaking clock, until the management gave me a hard time.

I was almost given the lead part in Castaway, but they said that I was washed up. I mistook this for an insult and turned it down.

i uused too bee a prove reeder.

I used to be a dermatologist, but I got itchy feet

I'm a national tree surgeon. I have branches everywhere.

I loved my job in the neon light factory. It was a gas!

I used to work at a funeral palour until I was sacked for being late.

I used to pluck ducks but the job got me down.

It have been looking in here every day recently. My brother and his friends didn't circulate some emails last year with some excessively clean and unfunny job description puns and I'm not at all tempted to post them in here. They simply aren't rude enough.

I actually became a tree surgeon due to a flash of inspiration - I was leafing through the job adverts when suddenly I twigged.

I used to be a p0rn star, but I couldn't keep it up. I tried to go into menswear sales but was told I was unsuited.

To reach my tree surgery helpline, dial a trunk call.