That was Desperate Dan. We continue our 24-hour, commercial-free Lieutenant Pigeon marathon with Mouldy Old Dough. Again.

Here is a traffic report: Owing to a fire in (names the hospital) all roads have been closed in the vicinity and there is serious conges...... Shi-i-i-i-t, I'm going.

A message to Debbie and Paul Tarnish, from their father in the colostomy ward. He says not to worry, he's doing fine. Meanwhile, here's the Godfather of Soul with Papa's Got a Brand New Bag

"And now, for your enjoyment we will broadcast a short radio drama entitled, The Murder of Patient X In Room 9906. While it is airing, your host will be away from his mike recording tomorrow's episode, The Copycat Murder of Patient Y."

[Oegy] LoooL

The hospital would like to appologise once again for the loss of the cable TV and radio services, due to the cable being cut during the laying of the new car park. Service will be resumed on Monday. Now back to 24 hours of Sousa

OK folks, you asked for themed days to lift the dull monotony of your pointless existence. So let's kick off the first Morrissey Day with Girlfriend in a Coma.

Just going for a fag - back in 25 minutes.

[Oegy] Thank you for the laugh. That was absolutely brilliant, sir.

And we have a mystery guest today roaming the hospital wards! If you see a doctor walking around brandishing a syringe, call him over and say, "You are Dr. Jack Kevorkian and I claim my 5cc of morphine."

Just coming up to lunchtime, and to get those taste buds going, here's a selection of songs from Sondheim's Sweeney Todd. This one's a request from the boys and girls in the mortuary.

And for those whose lives are hanging by a thread, here are Doctor and the Medics with Spirit in the Sky

And the Morrissey day continues. The man with Ebola in the isolation ward has requested I Started Something

And now, the results of the sweepstake on how many patients died here last week...

[Raak] nice!

And Magdi Yakoub's favourite, Feargal Sharkey's A good heart is heard to find.

And for all you Elvis Costello fans in Physiotherapy, here's I can't stand up for falling down

Allahu Akbar! oblig.

[Raak] "OK, the winner is Mr Gapp from Rosemary Ward, who... oh, apparently Mr Gapp won't be able to receive his prize... So, anyway, the sweepstake is open now for this week's figure..."

"...and it's a rollover!"

[Projoy re: Sweeney Todd] That'll be The worst pies in London then?

We once again apologise for the spate of heart attacks yesterday when we announced that we would be doing an extended investigation into Youth in Asia. We have now renamed this Young People of the East.

[nfras] Hee hee! Had to think about that one.

"And now, we will air a segment entitled The Patient Files. The word around the water cooler is that the patient in room 101 has not been taking his medication. If you are listening, Mr. Macavity, your hearing aid has been found in your bedpan once again. Please take the suppository out of your ear and assume the usual stance. Oh, that's right! You can't hear me! Bummer!"

We'd like to welcome a new surgeon to the team, Mr Hamish Dalmeny-Invergordon. Let's pipe him aboard, punters, with Bobby Darin's Mack the Knife.