No, George.

Yo, yo, Mistah Speaker, Blair in da house-a-commons...
I da Prime MInister
On da left, so I'm sinister
If you oppose
Cos my power roves
From Forth to Finisterre
And it don't finish there,
I go' astonish ya.
I got the A to Zee
O' Crown dependencies.
I got departments
I manage armaments
My influence has confluence from ruins to public nu-i-sance...

People talk about freedom of speech, but how much freedom is there when people cannot go on the Internet for fear of what they may see? How much freedom is there when anyone anywhere can say whatever they like, no matter how odious? Real freedom of speech is the freedom to speak the truth, not the freedom to speak lies. How much freedom is there when anyone can go anywhere in the country, set up in business for themselves, and charge any price they like for anything they are selling, regardless of the harm they may be doing in pursuit of their own selfish profiteering? My intention is to create a new Ministry of Truth to protect our precious freedom of speech from our enemies, and a Ministry of Labour to ensure that everyone works in the job that is best for them and best for the people.

My fellow Americans!

The twentieth century was the century of the great experiment in democracy. But remember that the twentieth century was also the century of the worst wars in history. And so having put all of that chaos behind us it is time to ask ourselves what lessons we have learned from it, and to build on that for the future. The "hundred schools of thought" having contended, what flowers have bloomed and what have proven to be weeds? In this ever more interlinked and interdependent world of ours, is it even possible for every state to go their own way? A world government is the only realistic way to bring peace and prosperity to everyone. There can be no dissension with a world government, because dissent would be a treason against all of humanity. Everyone will work together for the good of the whole, not because of any compulsion, but because it is the right thing to do. One people! One Planet! One Prime Manager!

(That's Blair's next job sorted then.)

I believe in government of the people by the people and for the people who have the most dosh.

Sorry I'm late, I've just been fisting Norman Lamont. (Well, it nearly finished Julian Clary's career, so why not Tony)

We are a grandmother. with apologies to all those traumatised by ThatchBlair

I like my cigars moist.

Nuke the bastards!

Yes, I am Russian. Is that a drawback?

Wibble!

In the interests of efficiency, I have decided to dispense with the Cabinet. I shall now be relying for key decisions on an objective process. So, shall we continue to fund the NHS? Heads we do, tails we don't.

I think it's time to reexamine the whole idea of the people ruling themselves, because it really makes no sense when you think of it. A ruler must be greater than those he rules, therefore how can the ruled be the rulers? The only logically consistent system of government is an absolute feudal hierarchy, with a monarch at the top appointed by God. The King will appoint a council of ministers to advise him, led by a Prime Minister, but the whole absurd apparatus of Parliament and elections should be done away with.

"Might I propose a URANIUM for OIL program?"

"America is our staunchest ally." no, no blindfold ... but i would enjoy a final cigarette

Where do I sit?

Surely a retarded monkey could do this job?

What? You mean it's not a permanent post?

Allahu Akhbar!

Hello, I'm David Icke.

I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.

[Raak] Overtures of "you have to vote for the lizards or the wrong lizard might get in"

[IS,P! / Raak] Made me think of Bill Bailey's "Human slaves, in an insect nation!"

[Phil] Your reference to Julian Clary's fisting of Norman Lamont made me wonder 'what newspaper does Phil read?'

Time for a new career?

[IS,P] Is that a question or a valid move?

[UK] Yes.

[IS,P!] Whatever comes to hand, although if I'm buying a newspaper (very rare occurence) it would be the Daily Telegraph. I also happened to be watching the award ceremony when Mr Clary made said comment, and I pretty much p*ssed myself laughing.

Recap: We have had Police Constable, Supermodel, Brain Surgeon, Farmer, Electrician, Car Mechanic, MC Coach, Evil Henchperson, Museum Curator, Somellier, Relationship Counsellor, Blacksmith, Nuclear Physicist, Shepherd, Stand-up Comic, Prostitute, Speaking Clock, Personal Trainer, Anthropomorphic Personification, Pope and Prime Minister. How about

---

Taxi Driver

Where are we, guv?

Well, I could drive you all round the houses and charge a tenner, but you don't need a taxi, it's actually just a five minute walk straight down this road.

Y'know... I've never actually had anyone famous in the back of the cab...

Sorry about the bumpy ride, I'm just nervous about my driving test coming up tomorrow. Failed three times already.

Are you lookin' at me? (oblig.)

Do you mind drivin, guv? I'm too pissed.

Allahu Akbar! oblig

"I've been expecting you, Mr Bond..." *presses large red button*

"The knowledge? What's that,guv?"

Could you read the street signs for me pal, I can't make out a thing past the road itself with these nasty cataracts.

Sorry, I'll have to pull over for a few minutes while I have a grand mal seizure.

Richard Hammond. Pleased to meet you.

Fred Flintstone. Pleased to meet you, now get those legs pumping. Yabba Dabba Dooo!

Quick! The cops are after me, let's get outta here!

Just grab hold of this anchor - I've got no brakes.

"Not got much of an opinion on that either way"

The glass partition slides open to reveal a set of pearly enamels smiling back at you from the rearview mirror: "Chance meeting good fellow, my name is Mephistopheles and I will be your chauffeur for this evening. As you may have unsettlingly observed, the doors to this cab cannot be opened from the inside. There will be no exiting the cab nor unscheduled stops or detours until we have reached your destination. We at Pay The Piper Cab Co strive to make your trip a memorable one. We accept no plea bargains, gratuities or bribery. In fact your money is no good to us, as your fare has been prepaid VIP, nonstop to Hades, MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH."