Just a word before we start about the theory behind my practice, I use a range of sexual modalities to enable us both to explore and work through the emotional, cultural and genital aspects of your feelings. I want you to know that all of your desires are legitimated in this context and I'm targeting this session towards the objectives that you can see I've written up here on the whiteboard. Do feel free to mention if you'd like us to re-examine those objectives together and perhaps amend them according to your needs as a client and mine as a practitioner. Now, are you happy if we start with the tits?

You pay this much three times a week? Wouldn't it be cheaper to just have your bits chopped off? And think of all the time you'd save!

Pheee-ewwwwwwww ... c'mon over here doll and tell me, does this smell gangrenous ???

Sorry, I dozed off for a second.

By entering these premises you agree that sessions may be recorded for staff training purposes and that data collected may be shared with other businesses.

How much do I owe you?

Open wide...

Just lie back and think of England.

[KNOCK] [KNOCK] Oh blessed heavens, Mr. Jones, I have been searching for you for days. You accidentally left your wallet and credit cards in the motel room, here they are. No thank you, knowing you have them back safely is reward enough.

Crap car, love. Got a big dick have you?

Hello Mr. Floppy!

You can't afford me, duck, now p*ss off.

I always 'ave a garlic sandwich for lunch. Stops me gettin' colds.

Oh whoopee, I just won the lottery.

"....TICK.....TOCK....TICK....TOCK....TICK...."

AT THE T'IRD STROKE, THE TOIME SPONSORED BY THE ORANGE ORDER WULL BE SUX FIFTEEN PRESOISLY (Apologies for any transcription errors trying to represent that dialect.)

Have you got the time?

Time, grasshopper, is an illusion. Look deeply into yourself and you will find that you will know what it is time for.

It's about 7 or thereabouts, I think. Maybe later.

At the third stroke, it will be time for another drink.

Thank you for calling the philosophical speaking clock. Before we can commit to applying a particular scale and measurement to this thing we call "time", I think it's important that we can be sure we know what is meant by the term. In this phone call, I will marshal evidence from the disciplines of physics, theology and flower arranging to consider a range of interpretations of the concept of time and will problematise both the classical notion of time as a continuous dimension and the more recent idea of time as a quantum phenomenon. As always in these matters, it is well to return to Aristotle, who said...

F***! My watch has stopped!

As wur murm ra chumm spunsurd bur aggariff ull bee ert furfur erruree. BEEP BEEP BEEP