No, I wouldn't accept EU subsidy on principle.

I must get those old rights of way properly maintained and signposted.

Move out the way you daft lumbering cows! I want to try out my new 9 iron.

Time for another. Er, hmm. Electrician?

Let's put an HR in:

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Electrician

Doctors say I'm colourblind, but what do they know?

Only wimps turn off the switch.

Eenie-meenie-mynie-moe...

I can get it done for you in about two hours, using odds'n'ends I've got in my van. The cost should be nominal, say 30 quid for my time. Tell you what, I can do it next Sunday if you like.

Actually, I'd rather have a cheque, helps keeps the books in order.

What I say is, you can't beat a good old-fashioned fuse box and really thick fuse wire, these modern circuit-breakers trip as soon as look at them.

No, I don't worry about turning the power off. This amulet will protect me against electric shocks.

I don't believe in modern plastics and machine-made wire, they have all the wrong vibrations and completely destroy the feng shui. The best natural cable is made from organically mined copper, hand-drawn through dies of meteoritic iron, wound with birchbark gathered by a full moon and glued with tree sap from trees you planted yourself.