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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated
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And so it begins....
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wards?
With our Icelandic pilot, named Lars [Raak] "t'wards", perhaps?
Our work will be done (just read some of the recent entries and this game appears to be going thru a particularly good phase)
When we reach a new sun
And we've daubed it with chocolate from Mars
Forward, brave cosmonauts, go!
The seeds of adventure to sow
Set phasers to stun!
At a quarter to one
Wait! What is that eerie green glow? (to be continued}
[Projoy] Don't worry. We can fix that.
The ghostly chartreuse phosphorescence
That haunts, of a midnight, my pleasance
Is a manifestation ....bit of a squash...
Of my medication
That I take for excessive tumescence
[C,R,R,D,J] Nice :)
I'm just off to take some viagra
'Cause I'm hoping to pull in Niagara
[blamelewis] Thanks - but my first line was supposed to continue the space theme [clearly indicated by CdM]. All's well that ends well, eh? As for the current lim - there are precisely NO rhymes listed for the ubiquitous Viagra. Niagara will do the trick [for now] but it DOES make it very difficult for others to follow your lead.
Where the girls are so horny . . . subtle stuff . . . (Juxt) There is a more natural remedy. (Chalky) One can just about do something with Niagara but not, agreed, viagra, at least in the rhyming sense.
And like men big and brawny
And suffer from chronic cleidagra
On the right side we see what is left
'Cos the left side now is bereft
Of what's on the right
Which is right in your sight
But you need to be visually deft.
[Chalky] - I just assumed that the plot outlined in the limerick in question happened in space... :) As for viagra, I thought of niagra (and had a vague idea that there might be an ejaculatory metaphor in there somewhere...) but couldn't think of a third rhyme but hoped others with bigger vocabularies might find one, or else employ a bit of creative twisting to still allow for a fun limerick - so bravo Marc for finding the "gouty pain in the clavicle".
I expanded my vocabulary
By mimicking old Sweary Mary
I'll show that I'm really no fairy
When I entered the constabulary   I think we have two limericks on the go simultaneously.

Perhaps three. Shall I ...?
b - I expanded my vocabulary
P - By mimicking old Sweary Mary / S - I'll show that I'm really no fairy / R - When I entered the constabulary
I peppered my chat / Test-os-te-rone / I copped three new words
With words so profane that / Really gives me the bone / (They were slag, nonce and birds)
b+P The barkeep threw up in my sherry
P+S (But then, so do backs that are hairy)
S+R When I slept with the Sergeant's canary.
[Juxtapose] very clever and very funny. Bravo :-)
That was fun!
In my hand is a very strange thing
I found it while passing through Tring
It makes a loud beep
At which sound I leap
I'd rather a long ding-a-ling.
I don't have a cent to my name
Can't make bucks as a pantomime dame
But I might as a horse
(The front end, of course)
But I'm stuck with the rear -- O the shame!
Regardless of all the objections
I've taken those hormone injections
So lock up your daughters
Make way for the slaughters
I shoot lasers in all the directions!
A sure way to tell left from right
Is tieing one sneaker too tight [Tuj] nice ending on the last one
When that foot goes all numb
Take the opposite thumb
And measure the width of its height - silly - but that's limericks :-)
Believe me - I've just laid an egg!
'twas launched through my left trousers leg
The birds know what 'tis
'S them we must quiz
But please ask them nicely - don't beg
I like to drink strawberry milk
Through a straw spun from taffeta silk
Some call me a ponce
But my cool nonchalance
Is required as a trait of my ilk
Oh-bla-di, oh-bla-da, life goes on
So how come I feel put-upon?
This mortal coil
Just makes me recoil
'Cos someone had left it switched on.
A potential supplier of Volts
Had an urge to electrocute dolts
A hard man, is Thor
He'll give you what-for
As he hammers you with thunder-bolts
Take care when attaching this lead
The wrong place and you might start to bleed
When you turn up the amps
You'll get aural cramps
And I don't believe that's what you need
There was an old man of the hills
Who made some good hooch in his stills
And this fiery liquor
Was bought by our vicar
To wash down all his happy pills
There was an old man of the dales
Who ate nothing but old rusty nails
As he shat, out came chains
Which he used to pull trains
But I'll skip all the gory details
I once bought a large fish and chips
Since then I’ve had fat greasy lips
The shop's deep fat fryer
Discharged its entire
Greasy load down on me - head to hips
The last three made me guffaw almost audibly here in the office.
There once was a man of the fens
Whose face was all covered in wens
This spotty visage
Clocked my décolletage
Having already clocked pen's. No guffawing, please.
There was an old man of the seas
Who enjoyed his shipboard high teas
He liked cream on his scones
And a skull with his bones
But no pie with his rate, if you please
There was an old man of the plains
Who prayed for the start of the rains
But a large inundation
Caused great consternation
Since Severn Trent buggered the mains.
A lady of uncertain age
Met an old man who lived in a cage
She said: "My dear man"
"I have lived in a can"
"As one must when on minimum wage"
A man with a Cheshire cat grin
A victim was of his own spin
But he knew in his heart
That he needed to fart
For it's better let out than kept in.
A lady constructed of iron
Was placed on a plinth on Mount Zion
Her mute ferric gaze
And Thatcherite ways
Is what Dave Camer-on keeps his eye on. Sorry about that.
A child made of sugar and spice
Her wedding will come at a price
But while she's a girl
Watch her hip, skip and twirl
And don't dwell on financial advice

Can't say I enjoyed the direction that limerick was taking - and it was beginning to annoy me - hence the mercy killing :-(
Young Mikey's a finicky lad
And also a terrible cad
He's fussily lewd
and not very shrewd
And Mondays he’s jerking like mad
It seems like a terrible waste [Chasty] Have you met Nemesis646?
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