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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated
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And so it begins....
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Are you Valerie, Mabel or Ruth?
It's so hard to tell
Which is which gel Don'cha know
"My name's Harry, a gender bent youth"
I'm afflicted with six insect bites
I've been tasted by fleas, ticks and mites
'Tis the swamp that they seek
But havoc they wreak
Is something my hygiene invites. Sniffs armpit - poo.
The present is never the present
It's past for cooked geese or cooked pheasant
What the future beholds
Influenza and colds no doubt
Seize the day, for this morning, 'tis pleasant.
Well, Elvis is dead - but alive
At least amongst those who can jive
But why do they wear
So much lard in their hair?
When will Grecian 2000 arrive?
A pack of the very best plugs
Costs more than its weight in hard drugs
They're more galvanising
So it's not so surprising
That they come recommended by Suggs
Are these 'mobile phone' gadgets a fad?
And do i-Pods turn good children bad?
Or are they besotted
Besmeared and tight knotted
This Hi-Tech will drive us all mad.
I look in the mirror. Who's this?
It's me? Your taking the piss!
I was young looking smart
And had mastered the art
Of toilet bowl game "hit or miss"
I once met a nun from Milan
Who wanted to start her own clan
Both Sisters and Brothers
And uncertain "others"
Said "Dad's a McLeod, and me gran". So the whole thing just went down the pan.
A tenor who sang in Modena
Perhaps should have been a bit leaner
With angels he's singing
Adagio, bringing
[Don't quite see why Marc's perfectly reasonable line should stall things for more than a week. It's not like the word 'singing' lacks rhymes …]
Huge joy in his heav'nly arena
... [SM] quite - I'm assuming lack of lean-ness equates to death-ness [angels]. Moving swifterly on ...
I'm not sure if I'll find the time
Or the inspiration sublime
To take part in this game ;-)
In the hope of great fame
And escape from my life's grit and grime
But fame will not change me a jot
At least, I assume it will not
But in the limelight
I will get the rhyme right!
And the scansion, and grammar, and plot.
A young lad from Lytham St Annes
Had a penchant for stealing white vans
Which he'd drive at great speed
While puffing some weed
And swigging cheap beer from its cans
I've just spent a week on the tube
And all rails I have greased with fresh lube
I've cleaned all the tiles
Overhauled the turnstiles
And swept up all hairs of the pube
While studying the surface of Mars
I observed some deposits of tars
Which made me examine
The dictionary to find another word to rhyme
The famine that's caused by catarrhs Tut tut...
Re: Rhymes - I confess that 'famine' was the only word I could come up with. How to keep that in the context of Mars had me completely foxed, which was why I didn't post. I'm sure Chalky had something in mind...
Bob Marley was famous for jammin' for example...
Tho' some thought he always was hammin'
A funk rastafarin [IS,P, pen] True, but in context?
Cussin' and swearin' "This pit that I am in" would have been a perfectly acceptable line, I think. IS,P had it right: if you can't think of a rhyme, then let others have a try, at least until a couple of days have gone by.
He'd go out and sing somethin' damnin'
[Software] Thought I'd wait until the last one was complete before I made a comment ... all I can do is fully concur with IS,P's remark and pennylope/irach/Darren's contributions and, not least, CdM of the Wise Words. Patience, man!
Incredible sights can be seen
From the Moon, if your eyesight is keen
For instance, the earth
Is certainly worth
One pound 'cause it's made from cheese that is green
Whenever you think you are right
Beware if your wife is in sight
You'll probably find
She's hijacked your mind
And is raring to go for a fight
"I may be some time", quoth Oates
"Since Hall's out sowing wild oats"
"So while you may wait"
"Don't stay up too late"
"'cos at dawn you'll be milking the goats."
The gostak's distimmed all my doshes
I've markled the fanturic roshes
My satchbere has jored
(Conquintly misgoared!)
And I've murgle my clep with gooloshes
An ichthyophagous iguana
Attained a true state of nirvana
But the simple brown newt
Is not so astute
And struggles to manage his prana with apologies for hogging
The hog is a curious beast
Remarkably skilled on the piste. [Software] I hate to criticise again so soon, but really! Was 'gooloshes' the best rhyme you could come up with, when 'floshes', 'reswoshes', and even 'underphoshes' were all available. Any one of those would have allowed you to post a line that fit with the rest of the limerick, instead of that nonsense you put down. *shakes head*
... and what's more - your 'murgle' should have been 'murgled' if you really intended to stay true to the tense. :-)
The key to its skill
Oh dear - hr instead of br - schoolgirl error - which I will put right -
Tuj - The hog is a curious beast
CdM - Remarkably skilled on the piste
Chalky Its key to success
Is a long satin dress
With which its drag force is decreased
[Chalky] Not sure that you are right about that. I think murgle is an acceptable past participle in some dialects -- like 'I have stole' rather than 'I have stolen'. And from what I hear, that Channel Islands dialect can be pretty odd at times.
While attempting to extract a square root (Juxt) V. good. (CdM, Chalky) How much more dung are you going to fling at him? It's not as if he's f***** the game up.
My computer had need to reboot
Switch it off, switch it on [Rosie] Check your Spoof Detector batteries :o)
Then delete all the pr0n
Which takes hours - you may need to re-route
[CdM] A fair point. However, Ernie Murgle's tract: Semantic Correlates of Unaccusativity [1973] highlights the formal properties of such lexical derivations. 'Murgle' from the French 'murgler' has evolved into one of the few verbs that can have infinitive objects with agents or gerunds but with a difference in meaning which is left to the speaker/writer. Agree, though, that wibbly dialect can distort the shades of meaning.
(pen) Batteries OK - no spoofery detected. Are you sure yours don't need the recharger. :-)
Whenever you need to recharge [Rosie] If I didn't know you better I'd say you'd had a SOH bypass :-)
Set sail on the Rhone in a barge
Then dangle your toes
In the river that flows
Ça vous fera d'avantage. (Chalky) Yeah, awright missis. :-)
If it's fun and adventure you seek, [Rosie]*coughcoughbadsyntaxcough*
Climb to Kilimanjaro's cold peak
Then put on your skis
Connect to your Wii's
Then launch your surf-kite with a shriek....
When surfing the net please beware
Of sites which promote latex wear
Their corrupting allure
Will quickly assure
You that fetishism's not rare. (nights) I'm not surprised. What should it be, then? I did get the country right. Next time; Welsh.
Lain down by the fire one night, (Rosie) I'd have gone for "ça vous sera d'avantage" myself. Irritatingly though, I can't satisfactorily tell you why.
Was a phantom of my pure delight
'Twas wreathèd in vapours (nights) Not the syntax, then. Just one letter, in fact, but I bow to your greater knowledge.
And danced veilèd capers
Sure-ly a drink induced sight [Rosie/nights] personally I would have used soit, since there is a degree of uncertainty.
The sights you can see when you're drunk
Can put the naive in a funk
Pink elephants prancing
All hopes of recovery truly sunk [Software] Crikey, you're right, but then I was never any good at the subjunctive.
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