The custom of sending Christmas cards and presents is an old pagan ritual that can be traced back to Roman times, when people would send requests written on wax tablets for any money they felt was morally owed them. The threat would be accompanied by a verse of praise asking the appropriate god to favour the request and punish the stony-hearted. with a picture of what might happen were the request refused.

Here's what I plan to do to my creditees this year:

[Projoy] "After this, solicitors"?

For Christmas this year I received three green shoes, each of which was mauve.

Mauve was never a colour before 1952, when sufficient fluoride in the water altered humans' wave-length perception. This is why you never see 'mauve' in third-world countries.