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Pea and Honey Recipes
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I Eat My Peas With Honey
And tales of derring-do.
Four lines, they can be rhyming
(That's Glow Worms to me and you).
Ending line is as usual.
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Whatever I forgot
But did I forget anything?
My memory says not
I wish I could stop dreaming
and rouse myself from sleep
But the arms of Morpheus
Are lovely, long and deep
Oi! You nicked my bicycle!
How can I get home?
The bus is gone I've got no dosh
So Oi'll polish off me pome
I wish I were a test pilot
In stratospheric realms
Mach IV would seem slow to me
Until I hit those elms.
I wish my sinuses would drain [Rosie] marvellous finish!
Then I could hum fine tunes
But sadly I just suffer Which I do, actually :o(
Most Aprils, Mays and Junes. (blamelewis) Cheers. I was inspired by the thought of a mate who flies a Tiger Moth. Top speed 80 mph and it can just about clear the trees.
I wish I was a tiger moth
I'd aim to clear the trees
With wooden prop and wings of cloth
Being careful not to sneeze.
I wish I was a cauliflower
With fractal-like florets
But please don't overcook me (Raak) Yeah, all right, :-)
Else I'll get the sweats
I swoop above the cabbage fields
To look for Peter Rabbit
Airborne death falls from the sky
The vultures dive and grab it.
I wish I was a Brussels sprout veg cascade!
Fresh-steamed and dipped in butter
Best Brassica that ever was
"I hate you!" children mutter
I wish I were a curtain (Softers) About right. :-)
Upon a Broadway stage
I'd be raised revealing stars
From Vaudeville's golden age
A second use for cabbages
Which very few folks know
Is in machines of Babbage's
To smooth the data-flow.
Excellent stuff. Bravo those people
I wish I were a Pearly King Here Here!
A cockney through-and-through
Robed in gaudy sequinned bling
And act 'oity-toity too
I wish I were a Weetabix
Or two - they're best in pairs
But quick, I go all soggy
If with liquid one prepares
I wish I was a Metro train
My headlights incandescent
'Neath the streets I would wind
In ecstasy transcendent.
A duck is sleeping on the tracks
Its head beneath its wing
It doesn't hear the closing train
Now it's dead, poor thing re last one: I would have thought someone would have spotted something like - "N'ere stopping at the 'Crescent" but there you go.
We're stopping at the "Crescent"
Let's all get out and look
This station looks quite pleasant
Aye, fancy, in't it, chuck?
A smart and well-kept station
Is wond'rous to behold
It fills me with elation
And makes me brave and bold.
I wish I worked for TfL
They're full of japes and stunts
When storms blow leaves across the lines
I think "Those useless people."
I wish I didn't have thith lithp
'Cos really I'm dead hard
I'll thmack the thod what takth the pith
Or callth me a wetard ...and fair enough...
I'd like to spend my life at sea
A-seeking grog and plunder
And have a girl in every port
Who's willing to go under Yeah, mine's hanging in the hall, thanks.
I wish I'd been a Chippendale
In lycra posing thong
However, I am but a weed
And won't reveal my dong
I wish I were a checkout clerk
With barcode-reader thing
I'd wear my name-badge upside-down [Soft/Raak/Rosie/blame] Genuinely laughed out loud.
Of Tesco I am King.
Outside the supermarket
Beside the bottle bank
I'll take myself in hand right now
There's only me to thank aha!
It doesn't take a lot to find - [pen] tee hee
You've nothing in your purse [pen] :0)
So stick it on the credit card [pen] thank you
And let the debt get worse aka Patience Strong.. Would someone give me a break from moralising last lines please?!
I count my money every day
It takes me all the morning
Whoever said that crime don't pay?
They've not read the safety warning to put this one to bed
I like to dress in orange garb
and paint my buttocks blue
Then storm the pitch at Boundary Park
And entertain the few.
I smeared my shins with marmalade
Said Paddington one day.
Mr Gruber frowned and shook his head
"Sticky little bears can't play." ...there.
I wish I could be somewhere else
And even then, not there
Where'er it is I seem to go
I'd rather be elsewhere.
I've just come back from nowhere
Or Redditch, as it's called
Up there they talk quite funny
As they think "called" rhymes with "carpet". Eh?
I wish I had a time machine
Like that I once had soon
This time I'll read the user guide
No matter how jejune
I wish I were a molecule (Phil) V good!
Of purest anthracite [Rosie] I used to have a chemistry teacher who pronounced it "mow-lay-queue-all",
I'd rule a landscape miniscule
With my atoms all packed tight
If I had much more money
I'd buy myself some friends
I'd bask in sycophantic praise
In my Mercedes-Benz
April makes me happy
September makes me sad
April is quite crappy [Rosie] Ta! [Quendalon] Minuscule is the correct, if widely unknown, spelling
But September is rad! bipolar? [Phil] Even I've fallen for that one... classic Graeme Garden new definition for it though =)
I wish I was the Taj Mahal
All marble pure and white
Best Asian grub in Colliers Wood
It hits the spot just right [Phil] You are correct! I'm so embarrassed. I feel small -- nay, minuscule. :-)
I wish to find Nirvana
Or any sort of grunge
Maybe AC/DC
Or Napalm Black Death Gunge.
I'm off to visit Shangri-La
And learn the secret truth
Of jet lag, crap food, cancelled flights
LHR T5 forsooth!
I've been around the world again
But when I got back home
My bags were still in Cairo
My underwear in Rome
I'm glad I'm not a terminal
With baggage all astray
And I'm glad I'm not an airline
In terminal disarray
I wish I was a marmoset
In marmalade or jam
'Cos I am a real sweet tooth
Don't like green eggs and ham.
I wish I had some oobleck
To spread upon my toast
To eat with my Green Eggs and Ham
While I'm reading next door's post
I wish I manned a tower crane
Armed with a wrecking ball
I'd be every building's bane
In Telford, first of all. Pandering to popular taste, though Swindon, Basingstoke and Crawley would have done.
A nuclear bomb and Bracknell
Go like toast and jam
This should be known more widely (SM) I used to work there (Met Office) 1964-66. A soulless dump even then.
So I'll set up Auto Spam - which gets rid of that one - phew
I have a proposition
To end this sentence with
That's such a supposition
From mister Simons Mith Oblig.
I wish I were a lumberjack
Hanging round a bar
I'd wear long frilly dresses
Just like my dear mama - oblig.
A fact that few consider
Regarding soccer moms
Is that their little poppets
To matches carry bombs
Rule one is that Thou Shall Wear Socks
Rule two is to not catch the Pox
Ah, this is a limerick, yes?
I wish that I were hosiery
Wrapped 'round a woman's thighs
Instead (here's full disclosury)
I just dreams and sighs
I wish I were a proper noun
And not a proper twit
I wouldn't mislead my online friends
By pretending I'm a wit
I wish I were a raspberry [Softers] Precisely the line I nearly put in yesterday!
Blown in your direction
Then I would really signify
Contempt for your complexion
Spare the rod and spoil the child
So whack him with a kipper
The little sod has run quite wild
Who'd ever have a nipper?
I wish I were a bumblebee
I'd bumble hither-thither
Up to the point when you might say - go on - swear out loud. You know you want to.
Fuck it, then. Why dither? (Chalks) Oh, I do, but actual invitations are scarce.
I wish I was a potted plant
A fern or aspidistra
I'd live in conservatory
De-dum te-tum de-dah -life's too short to faff around with impossible rhymes and nonsensical third lines :-)
I wish I had more patience
With Software's last third line
I wish I'd thought before I wrote My fault - I must have had a brain fart
Contrition, thus, is mine. (pen) Which orifice is involved in these eruptions?
I wish I owned a parrot
I wish I owned a parrot [pen] confession is good for the soul ;o) + More brain farting!
Oh I wish I owned a parrot
But I don't.
I've thought a lot about this line
Perhaps I've over-thought
But when I think about my thoughts
I get really overwrought
I wish I were a beer mat
For real ale not for lager
Anything that I soaked up
Would serve to end this saga (mercy killing)
I wish I were a Riesling
Or maybe a Gewurz
Instead I'm just a pale Soave
Life's so unfair, it hurts
I wish I was a mezcal worm
Condensing boozy vapours
In stasis there I would remain
A source of mental capers
I would I were a pint of ale
As clear as amber dew
I'd sit upon my beermat
Anticipating you
As swift as Summer Lightning
Your cooking passed through me
The thunder rumbles on, though
As does the smell of brie
I wish I were an antelope
An ungulate or deer
I'd skip across the grassy plains Do I sound like a lumberjack? Hello, Darren. Where have you been, then?
And wonder why I'm here
I like to play upon my oud
Or my didgeridoo
But as for my soprano sax
it always leaves me blue
I wish I were a tangerine
I really don't know why
They say I'm prone to whimsy
My head floats in the sky
I wish I were a dicky-bird
A-sitting on the fence
I'd then uncover what occurred
If I were not so dense
To wait and watch and listen
While drinking whisky sours
Is, I think, a great fun way
To while away these hours
To fart and belch and chunder
Is what every Aussie loves
So is it any wonder
They don't quite sound like doves. v few rhymes
I wish I was the Ace of Spades
So black and curved, yet pointed
We aces all are renegades
When trumped we're disappointed.
I wish I were a saxophone
All levers, pads and keys
I'd be blown and fondled
Is no-one going to finish this bugger? It's not that difficult, surely, and it has stood here for 4 days.
Right between the knees
For hours I stood and waited
For any sign of you
I sighed and contemplated
Stalking someone new.
I wish I were a chainsaw (Quen) That's the 'cello, surely. :-)
I'd really get a buzz
From taking part in massacres
And perplexing Texas fuzz
I wish I were a plank of wood
With no termites around
By carpenters I would be nailed
By creosote be browned.
I booked a flight to Katmandu - Last three - neat :-)
It seemed a good idea
I then went on to Timbuktu
Tomorrow, Llwynypia. It rhymes, it scans. Look it up. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!
I traveled to the Isle of Man
(The third leg of my trip)
I spent three days in fun Milan
Some tw*t put me in knip - I dunno - I'd barely uttered the word scaloppini... and there he was, brandishing his Mario Batali Oil Drizzler ...
Begone, vile knippieri! (Phil) V good
You've blighted my whole game [irach] Very nice Texas line above, especially the internal "x" repeat
(My mother said: Be wary
If Maelberg's and Beck's are the same)
This isn't quite a poem
Although it rhymes and scans
The words just come a flowin'
And look best in Gill Sans.
I wish I were a sonnet
That perched upon a tree
But then would someone read me?
Yes, arborists certainly
O! if I were a petal
And you a honeybee
I'd love your sweet antenna tickle
As you crawl over me
All things that squirm and wriggle
Are a delight to me
Ooh, how I love those maggots
How they enhance a brie!
I wish I were a paper bag [Rosie] Deft!
For airsickness on a plane
I'd catch all those nasty bits
Your loss - recycling's gain. (Tuj) Cheers.
To loop the loop is my delight
All on a springtime morn - [Rosers] neat finishing on last two
When up is down and down is up
Invertedly airborne
It started in the treehouse
It continued in the shed
It traumatised my wee mouse
Which came into my bed.
I wish I were a critic
Of literary works
I just love lambasting authors
Solipsistic berks!
I swung my axe with gusto
I chopped something in half
I put the vid on YouTube
Please add an epitaph.
Three cheers for "last line" Rosie
He's really on a roll
No matter what our prose be,
With Rosie, it's not droll
I really am most flattered . . . no last line this time . . .
And so you should be, chum!
Because you have a way with words
Stand up to roll of drum!
In spite of all the plaudits
Pride's a Deadly Sin
Some rank it first of seven
But I think Sloth should win
[Simons] I was going to post that line. But then I couldn't be bothered.
I wish I were a sinner
Evil of intent
I'd take my cues from Lucifer
On chaos I'm hell-bent!
A-sitting cross-legged on a cloud
Reciting a Lim'rick out loud [SM] Are you in the right room?
With my head lowly bowed go with the flow
(I've no right to be proud)
I wonder if this is allowed
I'm glad I'm back to normal
Whatever 'normal' is
It's less than semi-formal
Just not quite the biz
I'm glad I've regained consciousness
I thought I'd be dead forever
But how shall I escape this box?
That's my next endeavour.
I'm taking half of your estate
I think it's rightly mine
Since I am your conjoined twin
Sign on the dotted line
As I awoke this morning
My little dream was scotched
I knew I'd made a boo-boo
'Cause my tartan sheets were blotched - I'll get my jacket then ..
I wish I were a referee
'Cause I look good in black
And what's more I'm a bastard
And common sense I lack
[Rosie] I remember once seeing some "humorous" foreign language translations in preparation for a big football tournament - Italia 90 World Cup maybe. The one I always recall is "Bastardo" = Referee. Still makes me chuckle.
I wish i was caddis fly
Skimming o'er the water (Bigsmith) The thing is "Bastardo" is actually an Italian town and surname.
I'd keep and eye out for the trout
And the salmon's hungry daughter
I wish I were a paperclip
I'd straddle many pages
And though I am dispensable
I pay my maker's wages
I wish I was a stocking top I have a precise idea where this one might go, but I wonder if anyone else gets it?
Encircling a fine leg [pen] This may be off your female beam, given my gender
Mmm, cricketers in lingerie
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