That I am soaring through the freezing Scottish air on a broomstick. Ron is there flying with me and up ahead of us is Cornelius Fudge, who looks rather like my friend Ken. He is casting spells but we can't hear what they are because of the wind and his broomstick has go faster stripes which mean that we can't catch him up to ask him exactly what he's doing. Suddenly we are flying close to the ground and, striking a rock, I ricochet straight upwards, which causes the broomstick to stall. I'm falling hundreds of feet toward the ground, but I realise that Cornelius Fudge has bewitched it to become soft, so I know that I won't come to any harm. I fall into the pillowy earth, which gives way beneath me, covering up the light as I fall deeper and deeper, suffocating in the soft duvet of grass and soil. Consciousness slips away just as I spy the snitch, which has fallen into a corner of the duvet, and I dream...

...I was a cockfighter! Only I wasn't a regular cockfighter, who battles his animals against those of an opponent. It was with turkeys instead of chickens, and rather than fighting each other, I raced my own turkey around the countryside. Halfway through the race we started fighting - I would punch and the turkey would hop up and peck me. I remember holding back my punches a bit because I didn't want to be known as the kind of dude who would punch out a turkey...
...so the turkey clobbered me with a right hook. As I passed out, I dreamt...

...that I was a rock. I lay on the bottom of the Pacific Ocean being carried inexorably towards the Marianas Trench. Nothing much happened for several million years. Then I found myself being carried deeper and deeper as I reached the Philippine Plate, forcing the edge of the Pacific Plate down towards the fiery heart of the globe. As miles of rock ground above me, the heat remoselessly increased until my consciousness began to flicker and dissolve...

...until suddenly, I was a sausage roll. A very sleepy sausage roll, in fact, and I dreamt...

...that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character. But then I woke up to find...