Is everyone here for the editorial meeting? Ok, good. Heavy news week this week, so only the best stories are going to get space. We'll start with Cheddar Headlines. Ten words max, and the headline can be self-explanatory as in 'The Independent', or horrendously convoluted, as in, erm, The Cheesy Headline Game. Once the headline is finished, I'd like a few words containing the story in a news style, please. Subs, clear your desks, and let's get the presses rolling. Spike it once we reach the usual back page move.
A news report has reached the Times from the Toscano province in Italy about a situation that developed when poet Robert Browning was composing his newest poem, Home Thoughts, from Abroad in Italy, . It all started when the bard and his spouse were reminiscing about all things English. Bob fondly recalled the taste and texture of good old-fashioned English treacle, whereupon Elizabeth Barret revealed she had one last jar they had brought with them from England stashed away in her lingerie drawer. As they sampled the sticky, viscous delicacy together, their amorous whimsy took over and they were seen running through the fields of Tuscany smearing one another with that gooey goody and licking it off each other. Eyewitnesses described the scene when the amorous duo, escorted to the local police station by the vilage constable were observed still in passionate embrace, treacle running down both their legs.
As a bizarre consequence of a change in the earths magentic field, wolves in Canada's Alberta province are starving to death. Scientists from the University of Manitoba today released research which shows that the migration path of the Caribou, staple diet of the Alberto wolves has changed dramatically in the last few years. The scientists blame a divertion of the earth's magnetic field which the caribou use to delineate their path through the frozen wastes of Northern Alberta for this change. The only solution say the scientists is for the wolves to be fitted with magnetic compasses which should allow them to realign themselves with the caribou's new found pathways through the wilderness. However animal rights activists from the CPS (Caribou Preservation Society) say that's just the wolves tough luck and it should be left to nature to sort ti out.