Pigsties of the Rich and Famous. Check out the lifestyle of the pigs of the filthy rich and famous at their country estates. See how the other half wallow. The first Episode "And I am a Material Sow" features Miss Piggy, Madonna and Guy Ritchie's 's prize pig at their country estate in Dorset.
MC Five-O A fast-paced drama along the lines of the acclaimed old Hawaii Five-O filled with quick-witted verbal sleuths who pursue ne'er-do-gooders (while trying to one-up one another) through the London underground. Filled with a host of unique and most remarkable characters, such as Chalky, Projoy, the enigmatic CdM, Dujon, RedSnapper, Dandalf, Raak, blamelewis (the pernennial scapegoat), I'mNotJohn (oh yes, he is!), d.c., nights, PaulWay and the arch-villain irach, among others.
Hmmm... scapegoat... The Goat Hunters pseudo-scientific docu-drama approach to regional farming programs. Some serious chick who used to be on the Bill and Nick Ross sit all night in a straw filled shed in the Cotswolds freezing their arses off, while three geeks rejected from Time Team prepare sophisticated detection equipment salvaged from the nearby barn. Meanwhile in the warmth of the studio Peter Snow interviews a clergyman about whether there is a dog.
Unabridged Grown-Up Social Inclusion Jackanory - care in the community patients and members of linguistic minorities read out books like War and Peace or Middlemarch from cover to cover. Improves their English and entertains all at the same time!
Shakespeare Mimed - If a sonnet falls on deaf ears, would it sound as sweet? Or, if you choose, imagine Hamlet masking emotion, adorned in only a snug leotard, delivering his soliloquy to an audience of the hearing impaired.
Changing Gardens A team of earthmovers come along and pick up your garden and dump it on your neighbour's, while they try to do the same to you. A laugh a minute as the JCBs clash in the streets.
[Raak] It was news of 25 years ago and it was called All Our Yesterdays. I used to watch it regularly.
Tomorrow's World, a weekly magazine programme detailing all the latest environmental disasters, wars, mad science, political corruption, social disintegration, and all the other reasons why we're all doomed and everyone should just stick their head in an oven.
Lust: A show which is expected to run for many seasons. It will include such luminaries as Michael Jackson, Michael Parkinson, Michael J Fox and a sprinkling of other Michaels who will analyse in depth the last five years of reality television. This show will include everything from childrens' television to deep and meaningful interviews and, of course, nudity. Although things could get shaky at times, it will be the reality show to end all reality shows. Not to be missed.
Nine Lives - With a new breed of pampered kitten featured each week, a method approach delving into the myth that the domesticated cat [Felis domesticus] can surmount eight of nine fatal accidents. [Directed by Quentin Tarantino of 'Pulp Fiction' fame.]
The Household Cavalry - Some shows focus on families or neigbourhoods with problems: arguments, children's discipline, debt and cleaning are all fixed by practical help and talking. The Household Cavalry is a wholly new concept. They only intervene in the most severe cases - the ones where hope of a peaceful solution is lost and only a violent slaughter of at least half the family with Kalashnikov assault rifles will really work. Ex-SAS Captain Rigby Mates leads the gun-toting team, flying into trouble spots on poor estates across the UK and cutting down the number of ASBOs - permanently!
Paedowatch - Live coverage of the release of convicted child sex offenders and moment-by-moment accounts of their re-housing. If you want to pop around, their names and addresses are given on screen at the end of each episode, when the camera crews will drive off.