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World's Worsest
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Start with World's Worst Chat Up Lines, till it wears out then start a new topic.
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Good-evening-ladies. Now-for-the WEATHER. The WEATHER. It-will-be-a-SUNNY-day. A-SUNNY-day. This-means-it-is-a-good-time-to-HANG-YOUR-WASHING. HANG-YOUR-WASHING.
Our feature segments today are "The Little Woman at Home" and "How to Starch and Iron His Shirts". This will be followed by a lovely musical rendition of the all-time favourites - "Stand By Your Man" and "Give the Boy a Hand".
Next kill on woman's your hour, the horror of cot babies death.
Interview subject: Of course, all women would admit the difficulties of menstruation are vastly exaggerated.
And, Of course, as a doctor, if a woman screams during childbirth I know she's faking it. Scientific studies show that the quantities of dopamine released during the birth process render pain impossible while giving birth. It's basically just hysteria and a failure to control the emotions.
And, conversely, I've given birth to three children of my own, and I have to tell all the women listening that my birth process was much more painful than theirs, any day.
C'mon girls, tits out for the lads!
"Perhaps your listeners could tell me why it is that women take nine months to come up with an answer to a very simple question?"
*wonders if it's significant that mostly men are playing this game at the moment*
And continuing with our popular "Successful Women" series, we are most priveleged today to have with us Ethel Hauskochen, the author of "How to Bake a Successful Souffle".
...It is unimportant whether Cherie is benefiting from her position as Prime Minister's wife or not. But I have to admit that I can have little faith in the Labour government when she shows such a blatant lack of understanding for simple style etiquette. I mean - crushed velvet so eighties and green is just not her colour.
We've been having a chat here in the Woman's Hour production office and we've noticed that this whole programme is predicated on the idea that a whole 51% of the populace has interests in common merely on the basis of their sex. Since this assumption is completely patronising and insupportable, we've decided to stop producing the programme. Next on 4, the news for humans.
OK, how aboutWorld's Worst Thing To Say When Visiting A Friend's Church
Merry meet! Did you celebrate the union of the god and the goddess this Litha?
Oh, goody, time for the long pig wafers!
Are those hosts leaded or unleaded?
You hold services in a .... modern building? Well of course one can worship anywhere, but really, isn't this just a group of friends chatting in some meeting room?
(to a female vicar) My dear, I thought you read the service very well, but I bet you can't wait until they appoint someone to the vacancy. When's he arriving?
Can I go and play with Quasimodo in the belfry?
You look tired - take a pew.
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