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World's Worsest
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Start with World's Worst Chat Up Lines, till it wears out then start a new topic.
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Time for another topic, I think

World's Worst Thing To Say To Your Child's Teacher
He's very advanced, you know - he knows how to use Log Tables.
No I haven't taught him to walk or talk, that's your job!
We don't believe in constraint or restricting his natural creativity. So for the last four years he's been running wild in the garden, learning from nature.
(To a kindergarten teacher:) Are your lessons intellectually rigorous?
Forgive me, I've heard it's true my child has to share a class with those of inferior races. This surely isn't true?
He's almost potty-trained.
So? May I see your report?
Don't you worry. It's just the measles he has. You can just excuse my Paul from gym class while the other kids are there. That's all.
Could you please put her in for early GCSEs? I know she's only four, but there must be a waiting list we can join?
I'd happily help on Sports day but the judge said I shouldn't be close to children.
Sarah cnat be dyselctic! It dosen't rnu in our fmaiyl.
I want this child statemented for additional support and I want it now. What do you mean, diagnosis? You must have something on your list he's got.
What d'ya mean Jimmy need to stay after school for remedial grammar lessons? He don't need no grammar lessons- he speaks English as well as I does.
Can Tommy be excused PE? He hurt himself in our last satanic worship ritual.
"He's been reciting the bowling averages for every Hampshire cricketer since 1948? Well, I've taught him everything he knows about that."
I know there's a dress code. But Billy insisted on wearing his sister's dress and a hair bow to school this morning and I am a firm believer in non-confrontational childrearing. So I couldn't refuse him, could I?.
"Those scars around his lips? Well, when we think he's being too noisy, we sew his lips together."
"Gooooooood morning, sir" Though maybe only aging Aussies will understand that.
You're a teacher? Oh, teach me, teach me. Please teach me.
"Here, I will lend you me cat-o'-nine-tails. If the child sasses you, flog him like me and the missus do."
We do not allow sugar in our household as it excites passion which may lead to masturbation. Apricots led to Eves fall from grace and the inevitable exile from Eden and must not be partaken thereof. God’s word is explicit in references to fungi and nuts of all kinds which are unclean. Sausages are forbidden as they resemble the male phallus and caused the Philistines to be cast from Judea. Semolina is strictly forbidden. If you had read your Bible, you would know that semolina is the devil's spurm.
I expect the other kids will learn more from Jenny than they will from you.
How much Shakespeare is learned by heart in your classes?
I always said I wanted my child to have all the things I never had. I never acted on my crush on my class teacher, for instance.
As I always say, those that can't do, teach.

New topic time...

THE WORST THINGS TO SAY ON 'WOMAN'S HOUR'
Oprah...who??
Of course, the Bible says that women are to be saved through childbirth.
Now let's run through what you should be preparing for your man when he comes home
Hello, and welcome to Woman's Hour. Put on your dungarees, light a Senior Service, don that boiler suit and it's off down the barber's for a crew cut!
Congratulations on operating your radio correctly - these things are jolly difficult, aren't they?
Gloria Steinem and Erika Jong? No, I've not read anything by those two chicks. Maybe I'll check their books out one of these days in the Public Library's Broads' Section
Why isn't there a "Men's Hour", eh, answer me that? Discrimination, that's what it is!
[Raak] I've long campaigned for a White Middle-class European Male Awareness Week..
[rab] That reminds me of the Onion headline at the beginning of November: "White History Year Resumes"
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