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World's Worsest
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Start with World's Worst Chat Up Lines, till it wears out then start a new topic.
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Don't you worry. It's just the measles he has. You can just excuse my Paul from gym class while the other kids are there. That's all.
Could you please put her in for early GCSEs? I know she's only four, but there must be a waiting list we can join?
I'd happily help on Sports day but the judge said I shouldn't be close to children.
Sarah cnat be dyselctic! It dosen't rnu in our fmaiyl.
I want this child statemented for additional support and I want it now. What do you mean, diagnosis? You must have something on your list he's got.
What d'ya mean Jimmy need to stay after school for remedial grammar lessons? He don't need no grammar lessons- he speaks English as well as I does.
Can Tommy be excused PE? He hurt himself in our last satanic worship ritual.
"He's been reciting the bowling averages for every Hampshire cricketer since 1948? Well, I've taught him everything he knows about that."
I know there's a dress code. But Billy insisted on wearing his sister's dress and a hair bow to school this morning and I am a firm believer in non-confrontational childrearing. So I couldn't refuse him, could I?.
"Those scars around his lips? Well, when we think he's being too noisy, we sew his lips together."
"Gooooooood morning, sir" Though maybe only aging Aussies will understand that.
You're a teacher? Oh, teach me, teach me. Please teach me.
"Here, I will lend you me cat-o'-nine-tails. If the child sasses you, flog him like me and the missus do."
We do not allow sugar in our household as it excites passion which may lead to masturbation. Apricots led to Eves fall from grace and the inevitable exile from Eden and must not be partaken thereof. God’s word is explicit in references to fungi and nuts of all kinds which are unclean. Sausages are forbidden as they resemble the male phallus and caused the Philistines to be cast from Judea. Semolina is strictly forbidden. If you had read your Bible, you would know that semolina is the devil's spurm.
I expect the other kids will learn more from Jenny than they will from you.
How much Shakespeare is learned by heart in your classes?
I always said I wanted my child to have all the things I never had. I never acted on my crush on my class teacher, for instance.
As I always say, those that can't do, teach.

New topic time...

THE WORST THINGS TO SAY ON 'WOMAN'S HOUR'
Oprah...who??
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