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Cleri Who's Who
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Four lines rhyming AABB - scansion, rhythm, metre and all that malarkey is as random as-u-like. Oh yes - the featured subject, usually a person, is mentioned in the first line.
Here's a full and frank(ly better) intro by Thos along with some that were made earlier.
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Former Prime Minister Edward Heath (Irouleguy) It's a pedantic semantic antic.
Was proud of his teeth
In certain places better known as the Grocer
A ladies' man? Oh, no sir!
Maggie Thatcher
Can anyone match her?
What? The Iron Lady? Handbags at Dawn?
"Sink the Belgrano!" She gave Little Englanders the horn.
William Shatner
Took 'is missus by the scruff of the neck and threatened to flatten'er
Then sang "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"
And took care to over-emphasise the rhymonds [Raak] You're evidently in sadistic rhyming mood.
Charlotte Church
Should be given the birch
For beating up boyfriend's who have no discression or tact
Let her be whacked.
It's a foregone conclusion
That some of these poems instead of naming the subject straight off will only reference them by allusion
And, inevitably, while some will be formatted incorrectly,
others, though orthodox in form and hoping to excite the reader, will, through laborious witlessness, fail abjectly. Not getting at anyone, no, really.
Once paid a visit to Crewe
Sadly, he really wanted to be in Birmingham
Where he could have exercised his flabby thighs and begun firming 'em.
Charlotte Green Yummy! though not as yummy as Corrie Corfield, R4 fans.
Chocolate voice, serene With you all the way, Rosie:-)
Though she doesn't have the gherkins Euphemism invoked, and next rhyme forced.
Bun, lettuce, mayo, cheese, beef pattie and special sauce of Brian Perkins *sigh* I am so pleased that's over.
The itinerant, St Patrick
Never bowled a hat trick
As cricket had not been invented
He had to devise other ways of driving people demented
Ray Mears
Appears to have no fears
And can do without ordinary household goods
But I bet his cameramen don't sh*t in the woods.
John DeLorean
Is a name you have probably completely forgotten by now, unless you work in the automobile industry (like penelope), or are a historian
Conned the British government into shelling out millions to build a car of stailess steel
But, thanks to Back to the Future, most people don't realise the car was real.
[CdM] 'e's dead. It was on the front page of BBC news today :o) (And I was a fan of Back to the Future)
Roddy McDowall
Whose name has a rather high ratio of consonant to vowel
Inspired nobody three days!!
To lust for his body.
Doctor Who
Started out alone but now has a very large crew
This includes Dr Zhivago and Dr Kildare
For whom one of the main attractions of travelling through time and space is that they don't lose their hair
Rose Tyler oblig.
Has necessitated Hackney Borough Council to introduce a new Bye-law
Viz:
No police boxes without planning permission, no matter who you are with.
Pope John Paul II
Remained serene as death beckoned
Though retirement was never an option
He at no time regretted his office's adoption
Jamie Oliver, chef extraordinaire
Has exposed the disgusting nature of children's school fare
From Greenwich to Goodge Street, Peckham to Pinner
And now, with more governmental money for school meals, our children will all be fitter and thinner.
The next Pope
Is unlikely to have ever smoked dope
Mind you...
Noone knows what long-term exposure to incense can do.
David Blaine [R,I,Z,S... nice.]
Is a teensy bit insane
David Copperfield, on the other hand
Is rather bland
Charles and Camilla
Do not, unlike Nigel Kennedy, support Aston Villa . . . for which much thanks.
But does anyone really give a toss?
It's their loss.
Camilla and Charles Round Two
Are quite unlikely to spend their honeymoon in Avignon, Carpentras, Nîmes or Arles
Whilst they have nothing specifically against those places
There's something enticing about his mothers large collection of palaces
Tony Blair
Labour's despair
May be brought down
By Gordon Brown. forced
Casanova
Was known to get his leg over
They say he also used protection
Despite the Pope's theological objection
Benjamin Disraeli
As PM was promoted to the Lords and spoke there daily
(As opposed to merely
twice yearly)
William Gladstone
Disdained the whole grubby business of canvassing, kissing babies and making extravagent promises to the electorate (as far as is known)
But became famous for his bag
and never losing his rag.
Nights
Loves good frights
But his essential commitments to his studies at The University Of Bath mean his sojourns here are no longer as regular as they used to be
But an ex-MCer is something I am sure he would refuse to be.
Napoleon and Josephine
Apparently, at night, together would ne'r be seen
He'd tell her "DON'T WASH"
And then this poem ended, the last line distinctly lacking panache.
The Dalai Lama
Couldn't be calmer
He ponders great things
And does not desire blings.
Ravi Shankar
Has rarely regretted defying his parents' wish for him to become a banker
HSBC's loss
Especially since Bank of America just hired Luther Vandross
Elton John Much belated praise for The Dalai Lama one before last. Excellent!
Is neither forgotten nor gone
Whereas Billy Joel
Is on the roll
Frodo Baggins
Went on a long and at times excruciatingly painful journey in payment for someone else's sins
Whereas Sam Gamgee
Might well have had a far less exhausting time of it if he'd simply suggested at Rivendell that those big Eagle fellas give his Master a lift straight to Mordor where he could've chucked the Ring in from the air, and been flown back home in time for tea.
Fay Weldon
Seldom
If ever
Said "Sir".
Boris Johnson
A haircut? He wants 'un.
Although, by and large, he'll tend to avoid Liverpudlian hairdressing salons
Those Judies have talons.
Robert Kilroy-Silk
Soured milk
whereas Tony Blair Don't all rush
Is yesterday's square.
Darth Vader
No friend of Ralph Nader
No father to Luke in any real sense other than biologically
And had a head remarkably resembling a bialy.
Sir Edmund Hillary
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