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Cleri Who's Who
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Four lines rhyming AABB - scansion, rhythm, metre and all that malarkey is as random as-u-like. Oh yes - the featured subject, usually a person, is mentioned in the first line.
Here's a full and frank(ly better) intro by Thos along with some that were made earlier.
The fragrant Camilla
Is as likely to become Queen of England as Gus the Gorilla (just reinforcing the point about scansion, rhythm and metre)
But Charles loves the wizened old hag
Which is understandable, since various parts of his body also sag.
MacArthur will soon be a dame
Which is not at all a shame
When you take into account
the mileage she managed to amount.
Henry Ford
Told his board
That the company would take a different tack
So he gave himself the sack.
Condoleeza Rice
Is she naughty or nice?
Given that her name sounds like a high-rise prostitute [2 z's, I think - Condoleezza]
It may be to the Americans' advantage that they found a substitute.
The millionaire businessman, Alan Sugar
Prefers football to rugger
Although his favourite football team
Appears to have run out of steam.
Jeremy Paxman (Darren) And coal, and water, and oil, and the driver doesn't "know the road".
Is known to his friends as "The Axeman"
Ever since
He chopped Michael Howard into mince. Did you threaten to overrule him?
Michel Pignolet de Montéclair
Often thought it was terribly unfair
He didn't have enough time to compose
But may still influence future Rameau's
The Master of the West Kent Hunt
Is more than happy to bear the brunt
Of Tony's wrath
And tell it not in Gath.
Saff African Retief Goosen *several accents declared*
Stephen Leaney's game will loosen I had to research this, you know! The only golfer I know is Jack Nicklaus..:)
But not his pants I'm plumbing the depths because I'm refusing to research anything.
Which are held up by ants I'm beyond caring about anything...
Ken Livingstone
Is on the phone
He's concerned that people think him sim'lar
To a sketch Gerald Scarfe had made of Picasso drawing a picture of Queen Victoria channeling the future spirit of Derek Acorah picking up a psychic message from Frankie Howerd concerning the reproductive equipment of Heinrich Himmler.
Snookerist Jimmy White
Held his cue too tight
And because of this
Played like piss.
Ernö Rubik
Made puzzles cubic
For a time they were de rigeur
Although why is hard to figure.
"Still-in-the-running" Lord Coe
Has an Olympic bid on the go
But we'll always remember him best
As a man who ran fast in a vest
[K,R,D,T] :-)
Risque comedian Chris Rock
Will, during the Oscars, mock
many, but Razzie-winner Halle Berry
Will escape with just a gentle poke from England and Chelsea defender, John Terry. allegedly
H. G. Wells
Was driven to the end of his tether by the sound of bells
Whereas Edgar Allan Poe
Gladly gave them a go.
Tim Brooke-Taylor
Is, in all but the following respect, completely unlike Norman Mailer:
Tim is on I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue,
In which he claims he was, like Mailer, a sergeant in the US Army during World War II.
Humphrey Lyttelton
Ever admired, not a belittled 'un Bastard rhyme, Tuj.
Is assisted by Sven and Samantha
Who, as anyone knows, are about as real as The Pink Panther.
Peter Sellers
An actor more liked by women than by fellers Speaking of bastard rhymes...
Goodness gracious!
His appetite for ladies was really quite voracious.
Rudolf Hess [Rosie] Oops, sorry! [D,I,R,S] Nice one, right out of the music hall!
Got into a mess
When he heard Spandau Ballet's famous hit record, "Gold",
He then knew why to stay in prison he was told.
Rudolf Hess, Commandant of Auschwitz
Was known to have a soft spot for us Brits
And eventually, when he was found by the Scots
who, despite his good intentions, concluded that the leopard cannot change its spots.
[Darren] No, no, no. You are confusing Rudolf Hess, the subject of the prior clerihew, with Rudolf Hess.
[CdM] I wondered if there were two Rudolf Hesses, and indeed asked at the pilg at the weekend about this, but the consensus was that there was only one. Now, assuming you're right and there were two, it's still the case that most people in my survey weren't aware of that fact and really you have to expect this kind of confusion.
[Darren] Well, if you are going to take the word of a bunch of drunk Crescenters over that of the Great And Mighty Google, you really only have yourself to blame. :-) But, oddly enough, yes there were two senior Nazis called Rudolf Hess (although the Auschwitz Hess is sometimes written as Hoss, or Hoess, or Hoss with an umlaut).
Er, can I start another one. Oh good.
Mark Twain
Travelled here to Europe, then went home again
The only thing that can be said about what he wrote
Is that he wrote prose and was not a pote.
Marco Polo
Went solo
Whereas Vasco de Gama
Was accompanied by a llama.
Guglielmo Marconi
Was considered by some to be a phoney
But by signalling across the Atltantic
He allowed The Times' American correspondents to become less frantic
What is it with this game and bastard rhymes?

Former Prime Minister Edward Heath (Irouleguy) It's a pedantic semantic antic.
Was proud of his teeth
In certain places better known as the Grocer
A ladies' man? Oh, no sir!
Maggie Thatcher
Can anyone match her?
What? The Iron Lady? Handbags at Dawn?
"Sink the Belgrano!" She gave Little Englanders the horn.
William Shatner
Took 'is missus by the scruff of the neck and threatened to flatten'er
Then sang "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds"
And took care to over-emphasise the rhymonds [Raak] You're evidently in sadistic rhyming mood.
Charlotte Church
Should be given the birch
For beating up boyfriend's who have no discression or tact
Let her be whacked.
It's a foregone conclusion
That some of these poems instead of naming the subject straight off will only reference them by allusion
And, inevitably, while some will be formatted incorrectly,
others, though orthodox in form and hoping to excite the reader, will, through laborious witlessness, fail abjectly. Not getting at anyone, no, really.
Once paid a visit to Crewe
Sadly, he really wanted to be in Birmingham
Where he could have exercised his flabby thighs and begun firming 'em.
Charlotte Green Yummy! though not as yummy as Corrie Corfield, R4 fans.
Chocolate voice, serene With you all the way, Rosie:-)
Though she doesn't have the gherkins Euphemism invoked, and next rhyme forced.
Bun, lettuce, mayo, cheese, beef pattie and special sauce of Brian Perkins *sigh* I am so pleased that's over.
The itinerant, St Patrick
Never bowled a hat trick
As cricket had not been invented
He had to devise other ways of driving people demented
Ray Mears
Appears to have no fears
And can do without ordinary household goods
But I bet his cameramen don't sh*t in the woods.
John DeLorean
Is a name you have probably completely forgotten by now, unless you work in the automobile industry (like penelope), or are a historian
Conned the British government into shelling out millions to build a car of stailess steel
But, thanks to Back to the Future, most people don't realise the car was real.
[CdM] 'e's dead. It was on the front page of BBC news today :o) (And I was a fan of Back to the Future)
Roddy McDowall
Whose name has a rather high ratio of consonant to vowel
Inspired nobody three days!!
To lust for his body.
Doctor Who
Started out alone but now has a very large crew
This includes Dr Zhivago and Dr Kildare
For whom one of the main attractions of travelling through time and space is that they don't lose their hair
Rose Tyler oblig.
Has necessitated Hackney Borough Council to introduce a new Bye-law
Viz:
No police boxes without planning permission, no matter who you are with.
Pope John Paul II
Remained serene as death beckoned
Though retirement was never an option
He at no time regretted his office's adoption
Jamie Oliver, chef extraordinaire
Has exposed the disgusting nature of children's school fare
From Greenwich to Goodge Street, Peckham to Pinner
And now, with more governmental money for school meals, our children will all be fitter and thinner.
The next Pope
Is unlikely to have ever smoked dope
Mind you...
Noone knows what long-term exposure to incense can do.
David Blaine [R,I,Z,S... nice.]
Is a teensy bit insane
David Copperfield, on the other hand
Is rather bland
Charles and Camilla
Do not, unlike Nigel Kennedy, support Aston Villa . . . for which much thanks.
But does anyone really give a toss?
It's their loss.
Camilla and Charles Round Two
Are quite unlikely to spend their honeymoon in Avignon, Carpentras, Nîmes or Arles
Whilst they have nothing specifically against those places
There's something enticing about his mothers large collection of palaces
Tony Blair
Labour's despair
May be brought down
By Gordon Brown. forced
Casanova
Was known to get his leg over
They say he also used protection
Despite the Pope's theological objection
Benjamin Disraeli
As PM was promoted to the Lords and spoke there daily
(As opposed to merely
twice yearly)
William Gladstone
Disdained the whole grubby business of canvassing, kissing babies and making extravagent promises to the electorate (as far as is known)
But became famous for his bag
and never losing his rag.
Nights
Loves good frights
But his essential commitments to his studies at The University Of Bath mean his sojourns here are no longer as regular as they used to be
But an ex-MCer is something I am sure he would refuse to be.
Napoleon and Josephine
Apparently, at night, together would ne'r be seen
He'd tell her "DON'T WASH"
And then this poem ended, the last line distinctly lacking panache.
The Dalai Lama
Couldn't be calmer
He ponders great things
And does not desire blings.
Ravi Shankar
Has rarely regretted defying his parents' wish for him to become a banker
HSBC's loss
Especially since Bank of America just hired Luther Vandross
Elton John Much belated praise for The Dalai Lama one before last. Excellent!
Is neither forgotten nor gone
Whereas Billy Joel
Is on the roll
Frodo Baggins
Went on a long and at times excruciatingly painful journey in payment for someone else's sins
Whereas Sam Gamgee
Might well have had a far less exhausting time of it if he'd simply suggested at Rivendell that those big Eagle fellas give his Master a lift straight to Mordor where he could've chucked the Ring in from the air, and been flown back home in time for tea.
Fay Weldon
Seldom
If ever
Said "Sir".
Boris Johnson
A haircut? He wants 'un.
Although, by and large, he'll tend to avoid Liverpudlian hairdressing salons
Those Judies have talons.
Robert Kilroy-Silk
Soured milk
whereas Tony Blair Don't all rush
Is yesterday's square.
Darth Vader
No friend of Ralph Nader
No father to Luke in any real sense other than biologically
And had a head remarkably resembling a bialy.
Sir Edmund Hillary
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