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You know you're getting old when.......
help
As life moves on there are signs which tell us, without any chance of doubt, that we are getting older, going downhill, coming off the final bend or generally ready to turn off the lights, lock the door and depart gracefully. What is/are your particular tell-tale symptoms?
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Going to the library is the highlight of your week
Last of the Summer Wine reflects your choice of lifestyle.
You forget bold tags twice in the same game.
Toys that you played with as a child often turn up on Antiques Roadshow
You hold your teeth in your hand as you brush them. [toothless grin]
- You look forward to going to bed to sleep.
You know all the solutions to all the episodes of Murder, She Wrote
You can spend a whole morning writing a letter and taking it to the Post Office.
You find that peer pressure has significantly reduced.    I stole that one; the first time ever ... sorry.
You think Salisbury is in Southern Rhodesia. (Falstaff) Shurrup!
The phrase "To be or not to be ..." becomes more than just a literary quotation.
- You can add numbers quicker in your head than on a pocket calculator.
You begin every other sentence with the words "In my day..."
You can have a nap after lunch without being disturbed
[Raak, re: Post Office] Blimey. I must be older than I thought.
You keep noticing that you're older than you thought.
You feel that a video game needs at least four hands to be played.
You feel that videogames have never been the same since colour and sound was introduced.
You understand specifically what the "everything" refers to in "sans eyes, sans taste, sans teeth, sans everything."
You don't care any more if you sound like a Tory.
You feel that pinball has never been the same since flippers were introduced.
Nothing impresses you.
(well, this means you're either old or a teenager)
You have a great idea for a posting in a game but then something distracts you and you think of something else for a second and ... um, ... where was I?
You smile indulgently after you fart, saying "pardon", but not really meaning it.
You get irritated by people who talk in like up-speak?
You smile into the mirror and a stranger is frowning back at you. *sigh*
- you are able to remember things that happened in the '60's clearer than last week.
When you have to admit the truth of "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my father after all"
When you still refer to something built in 1965 as "the new . . . ."
- When you can't be bothered to upgrade your mobile unless its broke.
When a new piece of technology is already obsolete by the time you notice it.
You vote
High Court judges seem to be getting younger.
Your defence lawyer describes you as 'an innocent elderly gentleman/spinster'
It's not the flies that bother you it's those pesky things which you see out of the corner of an eye that you think are flies.
An allotment is only 6' x 3' x 6'.
All the good jazz musicians are dead.
Lowering the tone a bit: Rigor Mortis is the only way to get it up. ---- *slam!*
You just don't give a damn anymore.
- You have a good crop of hair everywhere except on your head
Breakfasttime seems to come round again ever so fast
You used to like snow, but not any more. (Dujon) Fear not. There are some brilliant young ones around.
The place for chat with old friends is the chemist's and not the barber's.
When your wife says she has a headache she means it.
You have to sit down to put on your socks.
The only way you can tell what gender someone is is by their clothes.
You cannot rise up from or relax down into a chair without making a noise [grunt!] Disavower: some sounds may vary from others and might cause the grandchildren to giggle.
You realise your kids are older than the girls you're looking at in the pub.
You start to think that Frank Sinatra probably did have a reasonable voice.
In youth, you can do more and better things each year than you could the previous year. In old age, it is the reverse.
When contemplating doing anything new you wish you didn't know now what you didn't know when younger. (Raak) Not entirely true . . . . :-)
You take more drugs than a teenager but these keep you alive rather than hasten your death
You tell your friends how good Radio 2 has become.
You buy a drink for the sweet young thing chirruping on the barstool beside you and she responds with: ["Thanks Pops"]!!!
[Falstaff] And you respond: "Pardon?" :-)
You can remember when Tony Blackburn broadcast from a boat in the Thames.
You start thinking that you've reached middle age.
You stop looking after your children and start looking after your parents
[Projoy] That's middle age. Old is when your children look after you.
It's a bit late for suicide
You are genuinely pleased to receive socks as a birthday present.
You are genuinely pleased to have made it to another birthday
You are resigned to radical life-extension technology not arriving in time for you.
You really do need reading glasses. It creeps up on you. :-(
People referring to your age begin to say you're so many years young. It happened to me the other day. Bah!
...and tell you you're looking very well.
High Court judges start looking young. (Softers) NO!
When your arms are no longer long enough to read a newspaper. [Rosie] this is the marker :-)
You start making repeat postings about the age of High Court Judges
You start making repeat postings about the age... you're too slow on the drawer not to get simulposted
You forget which is right out of draw and drawer, and you don't care any more.
You're smaller than your pants.
Warming to the theme, Your underwear covers more of your body than your entire daywear collection used to conceal.
You actually go to a Well Man Clinic. Well, I might, sometime, if I remember. (Kim) They are not identical. :-)
....and they refer you to a priest.
You get chatted up by schoolgirls, just practising. it has happened . . . .
You get chatted up by mothers whose children have left home, for real Not yet, thank God.
The undertaker starts tipping his hat to you in passing.
You wish you had enough hair to get dandruff.
You finally accept that both greying hair and lack of hair are natural and begin to treat such as badges of honour.
You worry when you find that part of your skin isn't wrinkled.
The tiniest scratch takes weeks to heal.
When youffs on the train refer to you as "Grandad".
your CV is thirty pages long, typed up on a word-processor, and stops in 1987.
you have fogotten how to do bold tags
(if you look at the source for that last one it is even funnier - which wouldn't be hard)
You've worked out most of the rules of Mornington Crescent
Or more likely when You've forgotten all the rules of MC that you used to know.
You remember William Hartnell as the Doctor and think that no-one since has come close.
You can remember watching the last game which won England The Ashes.   Sorry, sorry, unfair, I know.
The Queen Mother kicks in the viagra.
You can remember when The Long Game started.
People around you start whispering the word "conclave" sorrysorrysorry
Every other discussion where your friends and acquaintances are mentioned usually involves the phrase "of course, he/she's not around any more"
O-Levels and A-Levels still sound new-fangled
You still count money in 'bob' Although to be fair, thanks to healthy Jimmy Clitheroe exposure as a child I still do this
You agree life just hasn't been the same since commercial televisionAnd how can you watch 2 BBC channels at once?
You still think aids should make things better They can't all be funny
*twigs* or spelt correctly
You still refer to Coca-Cola as "that Yankee drink"
You still refer to coke as "that Yankee drink"
You have a 17-inch TV and need to squint to see it properly
You can remember when you needed to squint at the TV because the screen was smaller than the average matchbox
You can actually remember watching the 1966 World Cup - as it happened
You think O and A levels as an educational qualification not a service
The Bypass means something rather more than the road that avoids the town centre.
The ties hanging in your wardrobe are fashionable.
You remember at least ten of the fashions currently in vogue from the first time round....and the celebrities who started them look like your grandmother
People never speak up properly.
You can remember when The Long Game started.
You can remember when this game started Time for a conclusion?
[pen] I did attempt it back there a bit, but there appears to be an unremarked nonstandard winning move.
[Projoy] Let's try this... You die
You pop your clogs
You kick the bucket
I'm on the wrong track, obviously...
You start a game and forget to tell anyone what the winning move is
You don't have any fillings! Or, admittedly, any natural teeth
All your junk mail comes from the local funeral director
No. Looks like I've lost the plot.
You realise that the game of life is one which you actually CAN'T win ! [Pen & Pro] I see what you mean - Who started this one anyway?
Everything you do is things you've always done.
You could care less about the winning move, you are just happy to be playing the game. ["Hit me again, Sam ..."]
Your early life is recorded in Shakespeare's plays.
[Snodgrass] It wasn't you, then, prior to posting the first move?
You turn to the "Birth's, Marriages and Deaths" column in the local newspaper before reading anything else, but don't know anyone in the "Birth's" or "Marriages" sections.
You listen to the wireless, play LPs on a gramophone, and drive a motor car.
"... you have such difficulty climbing out of chimney no. 372,797,742 that you decide to knock off early, you toss your sack into the nearest thrift store donation bin, and exhaust the evening on lap dances and cheap booze, while out on the curbside Rudolf et al. get gunned down in a driveby gangland shooting."
You don't find the previous posting terribly funny, really.
You let strangers into your house to check for an electricity leak
You're not sure how many children you have.
You need to write everything down or you'll forget.
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