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You know you're getting old when.......
help
As life moves on there are signs which tell us, without any chance of doubt, that we are getting older, going downhill, coming off the final bend or generally ready to turn off the lights, lock the door and depart gracefully. What is/are your particular tell-tale symptoms?
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For you there is no such thing as Designer Stubble. I could go on, of course :-)
Dujon] I don't think that one counts. That's a very studenty thing.
[Tuj] It was deliberately ambiguous. You are obviously too young.    ;-)
A pregnant lady offers you her seat on the 'bus.
You've got friends like Dujon. Forgive me.
. . . but older [Rosie] No! Gotcha.
Ye cannot read the cussid newspaper without holding it at arms length.
You need one pair of glasses to look for the other pair. I've watched my parents both do this this morning. nice to be home.
When policemen's faces all look young to you, apparently (OK, Dujon, maybe I am. But he's not, surely?).
When you are continually delighted about how reliable modern cars are.
When you find yourself nodding in agreement with the hangers and floggers in the Any Questions? audience.
...when you run out of advice for your children and just accept you really don't know any more.
...you finally accept that not only are you not part of the younger generation, you're not even part of their parents' generation.
Your creeping long-sightedness starts to cancel out the shortsightedness you used to suffer from
You resign yourself to the fact that none of the things that have gone wrong with your body are ever going to be fixed.
You pay off a 25-year mortgage.
...you think school uniform and faith-based schools are probably a good idea
Those old clothes that you do the gardening in are trendy again.
Never mind hours in the day, there aren't enough hours left in your life to read all of Terry Pratchett.
You stay up until 1am to watch a documentary about The Magic Roundabout on BBC4.
...you feel the need to tell everyone that you stayed up till 1am. *toothless grin*
You listen to Radio 4 all day.
... you listen to talk radio and talk back my addiction to talksport still raging
You realise there are entire nations younger than you.
...you stop caring about how you'll be remembered
au contraire, Projoy. You start caring about how you'll be remembered.
No, no. Your teens and twenties are the time when you care about your legacy, because those are the years where it looks as if you might actually achieve something of note. :)
No, no... you're confusing teenage ego with the development of a truly noteworthy talent! Or maybe this is just me?
You develop delusions of grandeur.
What you view as nostalgia, your colleagues view as history.
...you never say "that's a novel idea" any more.
You view household plants as members of your family.
The woman across the table has crows feet in the corners of her eyes, a little-to-medium second chin and a couple of droopy bits - and you are still attracted to her.
"Sex" is just another word.
You suddenly realize that a cardigan really does have its advantages.
Your waistcoat starts to look more like a bra.
When your old belts now hold up tomato plants instead of your trousers.
The creak of your knees leads you to think that the floorboards are in need of attention.
You may not be able to remember your daughter's name but you can describe every boyfriend she ever had.
. . . A car becomes something to dodge, not something to drive.
. . . You have two cups of coffee and you're anybody's.
... You can't remember how to unbutton your zip.
You can't sit down to a meal without thinking of the enormous quantity of food you must have eaten over all those decades. All that chewing and swallowing, year after year!
Going to the library is the highlight of your week
Last of the Summer Wine reflects your choice of lifestyle.
You forget bold tags twice in the same game.
Toys that you played with as a child often turn up on Antiques Roadshow
You hold your teeth in your hand as you brush them. [toothless grin]
- You look forward to going to bed to sleep.
You know all the solutions to all the episodes of Murder, She Wrote
You can spend a whole morning writing a letter and taking it to the Post Office.
You find that peer pressure has significantly reduced.    I stole that one; the first time ever ... sorry.
You think Salisbury is in Southern Rhodesia. (Falstaff) Shurrup!
The phrase "To be or not to be ..." becomes more than just a literary quotation.
- You can add numbers quicker in your head than on a pocket calculator.
You begin every other sentence with the words "In my day..."
You can have a nap after lunch without being disturbed
[Raak, re: Post Office] Blimey. I must be older than I thought.
You keep noticing that you're older than you thought.
You feel that a video game needs at least four hands to be played.
You feel that videogames have never been the same since colour and sound was introduced.
You understand specifically what the "everything" refers to in "sans eyes, sans taste, sans teeth, sans everything."
You don't care any more if you sound like a Tory.
You feel that pinball has never been the same since flippers were introduced.
Nothing impresses you.
(well, this means you're either old or a teenager)
You have a great idea for a posting in a game but then something distracts you and you think of something else for a second and ... um, ... where was I?
You smile indulgently after you fart, saying "pardon", but not really meaning it.
You get irritated by people who talk in like up-speak?
You smile into the mirror and a stranger is frowning back at you. *sigh*
- you are able to remember things that happened in the '60's clearer than last week.
When you have to admit the truth of "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my father after all"
When you still refer to something built in 1965 as "the new . . . ."
- When you can't be bothered to upgrade your mobile unless its broke.
When a new piece of technology is already obsolete by the time you notice it.
You vote
High Court judges seem to be getting younger.
Your defence lawyer describes you as 'an innocent elderly gentleman/spinster'
It's not the flies that bother you it's those pesky things which you see out of the corner of an eye that you think are flies.
An allotment is only 6' x 3' x 6'.
All the good jazz musicians are dead.
Lowering the tone a bit: Rigor Mortis is the only way to get it up. ---- *slam!*
You just don't give a damn anymore.
- You have a good crop of hair everywhere except on your head
Breakfasttime seems to come round again ever so fast
You used to like snow, but not any more. (Dujon) Fear not. There are some brilliant young ones around.
The place for chat with old friends is the chemist's and not the barber's.
When your wife says she has a headache she means it.
You have to sit down to put on your socks.
The only way you can tell what gender someone is is by their clothes.
You cannot rise up from or relax down into a chair without making a noise [grunt!] Disavower: some sounds may vary from others and might cause the grandchildren to giggle.
You realise your kids are older than the girls you're looking at in the pub.
You start to think that Frank Sinatra probably did have a reasonable voice.
In youth, you can do more and better things each year than you could the previous year. In old age, it is the reverse.
When contemplating doing anything new you wish you didn't know now what you didn't know when younger. (Raak) Not entirely true . . . . :-)
You take more drugs than a teenager but these keep you alive rather than hasten your death
You tell your friends how good Radio 2 has become.
You buy a drink for the sweet young thing chirruping on the barstool beside you and she responds with: ["Thanks Pops"]!!!
[Falstaff] And you respond: "Pardon?" :-)
You can remember when Tony Blackburn broadcast from a boat in the Thames.
You start thinking that you've reached middle age.
You stop looking after your children and start looking after your parents
[Projoy] That's middle age. Old is when your children look after you.
It's a bit late for suicide
You are genuinely pleased to receive socks as a birthday present.
You are genuinely pleased to have made it to another birthday
You are resigned to radical life-extension technology not arriving in time for you.
You really do need reading glasses. It creeps up on you. :-(
People referring to your age begin to say you're so many years young. It happened to me the other day. Bah!
...and tell you you're looking very well.
High Court judges start looking young. (Softers) NO!
When your arms are no longer long enough to read a newspaper. [Rosie] this is the marker :-)
You start making repeat postings about the age of High Court Judges
You start making repeat postings about the age... you're too slow on the drawer not to get simulposted
You forget which is right out of draw and drawer, and you don't care any more.
You're smaller than your pants.
Warming to the theme, Your underwear covers more of your body than your entire daywear collection used to conceal.
You actually go to a Well Man Clinic. Well, I might, sometime, if I remember. (Kim) They are not identical. :-)
....and they refer you to a priest.
You get chatted up by schoolgirls, just practising. it has happened . . . .
You get chatted up by mothers whose children have left home, for real Not yet, thank God.
The undertaker starts tipping his hat to you in passing.
You wish you had enough hair to get dandruff.
You finally accept that both greying hair and lack of hair are natural and begin to treat such as badges of honour.
You worry when you find that part of your skin isn't wrinkled.
The tiniest scratch takes weeks to heal.
When youffs on the train refer to you as "Grandad".
your CV is thirty pages long, typed up on a word-processor, and stops in 1987.
you have fogotten how to do bold tags
(if you look at the source for that last one it is even funnier - which wouldn't be hard)
You've worked out most of the rules of Mornington Crescent
Or more likely when You've forgotten all the rules of MC that you used to know.
You remember William Hartnell as the Doctor and think that no-one since has come close.
You can remember watching the last game which won England The Ashes.   Sorry, sorry, unfair, I know.
The Queen Mother kicks in the viagra.
You can remember when The Long Game started.
People around you start whispering the word "conclave" sorrysorrysorry
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